#i feel like a nice break during this summer season should help me feel a bit better !!

[satorisoup]

hi friends !! ^_^ i’ll be on a hiatus until further notice <3 i’m sending all of you the bestest of wishes !! until i’m back, please take great care of yourselves !! MWUUUAH !! 🍓

original pinned linkiedink ! 🍨

[thecapricunt1616]

Knock knock 🚪✊- Is anyone out there?! For some reason the bug has only been biting me to write late at night, so I’m sorry I’ve been posting so late lately (lol) but I hope that some lip smutty fluff brightens up your morning! (p.s. ; yes I know there are still 17 asks rotting away in my box. I prooomise I’m getting to them. I’m wanting to do asks how I usually do them, which is giving you an 8-10k plot instead of just what I can write on my phone since I don’t have a laptop at the moment, but I swear im trying to get a new one suuuuper soon!!! I love you all!!)

I’ve been thinking all day, probably since it is Carnival season after all - about how fun it would be to go to a Carnival with Lip over summer break, or even take a roadtrip to Cedar Point together and make a whole week out of it?! Eeee our prince deserves some fun time! I just know he’s the kind that is such a kid at heart, he grew up with so many siblings! He also has Frannie around, so he would totally love stuff like that (more BTC)

(Warnings for BTC: AFAB reader, No physical attributes for reader are described other then r/ has long hair, Smut!!!, No use of Y/N {r/ goes by pet names like baby, sweetheart, honey, etc.}, Fluff {happy lip!!}, Established relationship, College!Lip, sweet older-brother vibes from Lip, vomiting (r throws up cotton candy, it’s not too bad or long though!) , No ‘typical’ Gallagher drama to be found! {giving our mans a break!!} , not heavily edited, sweet/caring BF!Lip) [if I missed any please let me know in the comments!]

So you’d get there probably just as the sun is setting ‘because that’s the most romantic time to go’ he’d teased, in your ear earlier that afternoon between heavy needy kisses that you shared the moment he’d gotten home from work and he tugged you up to his bedroom since the house had been empty, he was going to use that time ever wisely.

He had been talking up this grand fun night together when the Carnival Fair was finally coming to town that weekend. It was going to be a wonderful chance for you and him to get some nice time alone, especially after finishing out your spring semester of school and having the summer off. He’d been working the summer at Patsy’s, so he told you he was gonna have all the money a girl could dream to get cotton candy and funnel cake since you’d gushed about how when you were a kid those were your favorite to get.

He had wrapped his beat up Jean jacket around your shoulders as you walked after he bought your tickets, even though it was nearing the middle of August and during the day summer was in full swing - fall had already begun to creep in at night causing goosebumps to arise on your arms. “Have I ever told you what a gentleman you are, Gallagher?” You kiss his cheek gently and he chuckled, shaking his head a bit

“Takin’ care of you is my job baby.” He wrapped his arm around your shoulder, kissing your head gently as you waited in line together to get a big bag of cotton candy to share.

“Well you’re really good at that job- you should give yourself a promotion” you held up your left hand jokingly, wiggling your ring finger and he lets out a chuckle, heat creeping to his cheeks that you couldn’t help but feel a rush of pride in your chest for being the reason of.

“I promise I will promote myself as soon as I can find it in the budget” he mused, lacing your fingers together as you head up to the counter and the guy a few years younger then the two of you asked what he could get for him- and he looked at you “you still want the bag one, yea?” He confirmed.

You looked at lip like he had hung the moon in the sky that night, you usually looked at him that way. How he was so kind, and attentive in the way he loved you. How he yearned to take care of you, he wanted nothing more than to make you happy. He made you the happiest girl in the world just by remembering you told him cotton candy was your favorite fair treat so getting right in line for it with you the moment you got there. Because it was what you liked, what made you happy.

“Yes, thank you baby” you planted a little kiss on his neck, since you couldn’t reach his lips when he wasn’t ducking his head to kiss you as he handled the paying and the conversation. Being taken care of had become routine for you, pampered- loved. That’s how you felt when you were around lip, loved- and seen.

Your next stop after sitting and munching on cotton candy until you nearly gave yourself a tummy ache, causing Lip to have to tie off the rest of the bag yo keep your sneaky fingers from getting in when he wasn’t looking - was the strongman game.

You giggle and point “Babyyyyy! You’re so strong- look at that cute pink unicorn!! I can cuddle it when you’re at work! Pleeeeease Lip, can you win it for me baby? Pretty pleeeease?” You beg sweetly, wrapping your arms around the back of his neck and kissing along his jaw to sweeten the deal.

He chuckled a bit, looking at the top rack where said obnoxiously large unicorn was zip tied to the grate, looking down at you before back up at it and sighing a bit to himself “I can win it - but do I particularly wanna carry it around the rest of the night?” He looked down at you again to see your fluttering lashes and pouty bottom lip.

“For your lady? For your bestest girl in the whole world? Pleeeease? You work too much who am I gonna snuggle!” You stand on your tip toes and peck his lips “if I was strong enough to do it myself I would but I need my big strong man to do it for me” you emphasize for added pizazz and he snorts a laugh, patting your ass playfully and giving it a squeeze.

“You are a damn good manipulator” he teased as he dug out his wallet, grabbing a 5 dollar bill that it costed for the three swings “gimme a real kiss- y’know, luck and shit” he puckered his lips, ducking his head and you giggle, happily squeaking as you plant a juicy loving kiss on his lips, your hand finding the back of his neck and stroking gently

“Thank you best boyfriend in the world” you giggle happily and stood to the side as he handed the guy the money

“So uh- what do I need to do f’the horse” he nodded at the pink unicorn with a rainbow tail.

“It’s a unicorn, baby!” You remind and he rolled his eyes playfully

“The fuckin unicorn, then, what do I need t’do” he asked the man running the game booth

“Have to get 100% on one of your 3 tries.” He explained, putting the money in the cash box and Lip nodded

“Easy enough” he picked up the mallet, rolling his shoulders a few times to stretch them out.

“You got this baby!!!” You clap happily and watch as he takes his first swing and the little piece races up and hits 96% causing you to jump up and down happily “Good job baby!!!” You giggled and he smiled at your sweet, encouraging reaction even for something as silly as a carnival game, something he always adored about you is your undying support and encouragement for the people you love. He always felt when you were around that he could just be himself and somehow, that was enough, all on its own.

“Not bad for a first swing ‘eh?” He mused with a playful cockiness and since it wasn’t all too common someone could really get 100% on the thing, a small crowd of 5 or so carnival goers had stopped to see if he was going to get it.

“Not bad at all, I’m already thinking of names for our soon to be adopted unicorn baby” you said and he chuckled a bit, lifting his arms to take his next swing and you couldn’t help but realize how the hem of his black T-shirt rode up when he did, exposing his v-line and happy trail just a bit. You bit your lip gently at the sight, also not missing the sexy little grunt that left his throat when he used all his strength slamming down on the platform with the mallet.

The little knob races up and pangs the bell, announcing that Lip had in fact hit the 100% threshold - breaking you out of your lustful gaze and dirty thoughts that nearly constantly plagued your mind when he was around, the man was walking sex - how could you deny yourself? You gasped and cheered, rushing up to Lip and jumping into a hug “Baby! Oh my god, I love you! I knew you could do it!” You laughed excitedly, kissing him back passionately as he held you safely around his waist, spinning around with you once and chuckling as he set you down, his cheeks slightly pink when he realized there were still a few stragglers hanging about who had watched him win.

It wasn’t that he wasn’t comfortable with PDA, he actually quite loved showing you off, and showing the fact that you loved him off. It made him feel special, wanted. But the two of you had gotten more then just affectionate, you weren’t just the girl of the month that he was screwing to let off steam. He didn’t even realize that the whole ‘love of your life’ thing was real - or possible for someone like him none-the-less.

But as dopey and love sick as it sounded to him in his head, he knew there are absolutely people out there who aren’t loved as proudly as him by someone like you, so any testament of that love and how lucky he was to have it made his chest swell with pride. You were his girlfriend, his lady. Nothing you could ever do would embarrass him.

“Unicorn, right?” The man asked and you nodded excitedly.

“Baby Glitter Gallagher! Isn’t that so cute? Our very first baby together” you giggle as the man handed over the large stuffed toy and you give it a big hug “thaaaank you lip” you said sweetly

“Baby Glitter - so baby is the first name, glitter is her middle name? Or is it baby-glitter like MarySue or some shit?” He asked, causing you to laugh as you walked with him in search of your next adventure to partake in together.

“BabyGlitter is like MarySue, I’m glad we clarified. She’s absolutely a Gallagher, though. So step up or cough up child support is all I’m sayin’” you joked, earning another adorable chuckle from him.

Your next stop was one that Lip had pointed out, so you felt like it was mandated to stop and partake because it was the first thing he had mentioned on his own since you had gotten here; the zipper ride. You had spent the last 10 minutes in line as you waited for the group in front of yours to go, telling him that you could absolutely handle it.

“Gallagher, are you callin’ me a crybaby?” You teased, playfulness edging your tone. “Cause last I checked I can handle myself, even if I like having a sexy man around to protect me” you smiled, kissing his jaw gently. He chuckled at that, shaking his head and holding his left arm around your waist while his other was holding onto your new member of the family, as well as your remaining cotton candy that was deemed a hostage until at least the end of the night.

“I’m not- I’m not!” He holds the cotton candy up in defense jokingly “I’m just sayin I know you don’t like goin’ upside down is all and if I wanna go on the ride I wanna have fun.. when Ian and I used to ride it we’d be flipping the whole way around it was so fuckin fun.” He chuckled a bit at the memory, bringing a happy warmth to your chest. It was rare that the Gallagher kids got to make real, childhood memories together. So that all the more made you want to do this with him, to be a part of his nostalgia and nurture it the way he always made an effort to be a part of yours.

“Well then I wanna have fun! I’m not a baby we’ll be fine, I have you to protect me” you kiss his cheek as you got to the front of the line waiting to be let on the ride. He gives you a gentle peck on the lips before kissing your cheek

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you, princess” he said, putting your things he had been holding for you over to the side with the rest of the carnival goers. He helped you up the platform steps, always being sure you never tripped and kept your fingers laced, rubbing the back of your hand gently with his hand as the man unlocked and opened the cage door, a creaky noise coming from it as he does so.

“There’s no-“ you swallow thickly when you realize there was no seatbelts, and lip gave you a ‘told you so’ look, allbeit playful, it only egged on your petulant pride and you shrug. “No seatbelts, makes for more fun, right?” You muse, stepping in and lip got in right next to you, your shoulders and arms pressed up against one another.

“That’s the best part” Lip smirked, holding onto the grip bars when the man clanked the door shut, dropping the lock bar in place and you were suddenly moving. Everything was no longer steady, and it felt as if you were trapped in a fan blade rocking back and forth ready to flip over any which way.

“Lip” you said, concern etching your voice. He was right, Lip usually was right, as annoying as it is for you most days. You didn’t particularly like heights, or being spun in circles, and mixing that with being trapped in a tiny metal cage was bringing those fears right to the surface and you weren’t quite sure what made your ego so big before you got on.

“What baby? You scared?” He teased, playfulness edging his voice. He begins to rock his weight back and forth, the whole cage rattling and clanging as he does so. The hinges seem to creak and you can see in your mind the gruesome terror that would unfold if the cage door just so happened to give out.

“Stop- stop it- it’s broken! Don’t you hear it, Lip? We gotta get off!” you said worriedly and he laughed like a masochistic 7 year old boy, rocking his weight more dramatically until you were fully laying down before swinging the other way and laying on said creaky cage door while you look below at the 50 foot drop and knuckles popped from gripping the grab bars on the cage door so hard

He chuckled more “baby it’s fine it’s not gonna break. Cmon let’s do a flip” he said, throwing all his weight back and you squeal as your suddenly hanging upside down and he laughs loudly “woops! Guess we’re stuck till we start moving” he teases and you whine, feet dangling off the floor of the cage

“Phillip Gallagher you’re the meanest boyfriend in the whole world!” You shout, causing him to laugh and you heard a chuckle from the riders below you at your current misfortune

“I thought I was the nicest boyfriend also the proud father of- what was it-“ he’s cut off as the ride starts again to let more riders on and you flip forward, swinging back and forth dramatically as the cage once again balanced your weight. You seized the opportunity to slap his shoulder once you found your footing

“You could have killed us!” You said but couldn’t help the big smile on your lips.

“Then I guess Baby Glitter Gallagher would have been an orphan before she even made it home” he mused, before giving you a kiss on the lips.

“This is why no more cotton candy babe” Lip said gently as he held your hair back and you puke up bright purple lemonade mixed with your blue and pink cotton candy.

“Yeah- kinda pretty though, right like -“ you pause to gag, more sugary neon purple mess splashing into the unfortunate bush you had decided to victimize tonight after your what felt like hundreds of flips on the zipper ride. “I would totally get my nails this color-“ you sniffle, spitting in the bush to rid your mouth of the slimey after puke feeling before standing and wiping your mouth with the back of your forearm.

He chuckled a bit, shaking his head as he dug around in the pocket of his Jean jacket that sat atop your unicorn for safe keeping and pulling out a small flask “open” he tilted your head back and you scrunch your nose, obeying and opening your mouth. “Sorry- but I know Y’gonna wanna kiss me and I don’t want to taste y’vomit babe, as much as I love you” he dribbled a mouthful of vodka in your mouth and you scrunch your face and whine slightly as you swished it around, gargling a bit for good measure before spitting it into the poor little bush and turning back to him to see he was finishing off the flask while you did so before putting it back in his jacket pocket.

“I think you need some water, and we should sit and relax f’r a second ‘huh?” He rubbed your arm gently before pulling you into a comforting hug and kissing the top of your head. You shut your eyes, enjoying the spicy scent of his cologne mixed with the musky earthy scent of tobacco and weed he’d consumed earlier.

“Yeah- but let’s stay over here. Well, maybe not by puke bush. But where it’s quiet. I know you probably want a smoke” you sat down next to a tree and he joined you, resting your unicorn next to his lap

“This fuckin thing is gonna take up my whole side of the bed” he muttered as he dug out his cigarettes and lighter from his pocket, lighting one between his lips

“Mmm, only when you’re not home. Gimme some” you said sweetly. He looked over, pressing his lips to yours in a slow, gentle kiss as he exhaled the smoke into your mouth and you sucked it down graciously, eyes fluttering shut at the short light feeling it gave your mind since you were only getting half of its effects.

“Better be you know I like doin butt rubs after a day at work” he mumbled against your lips before kissing you again, shorter this time because it was inturupted by a giggle from you. He was right, Lip loved to lay in bed in the dark with you, detailing what had went on at work that day while he felt up your ass. It wasn’t strictly sexual, (although a lot of times it ended that way) it was more a…stress toy for him to play with as he went on.

“I love butt rub time. I was actually thinking about that earlier. One of the best times of the day” you wrap your arms around his middle, nuzzling your face in his neck and kissing the warm skin gently as he took another drag.

“Yeah baby?” He kissed your temple gently, squeezing your side and lifting up the helm of your shirt to run his fingers along your bare skin. The action brings goosebumps to your skin, calming but sensual. Your eyes flutter shut at the gentle affections, enjoying the carefree laughter and joyful screams from the carnival a hundred feet or so away, mixing with the gentle quiet sounds of crickets chirping in the woods.

“I love all our time.” You assure him, planting a gentle kiss on his warm broad shoulder.

The next thing you decided to do, after being sure to make a pit stop for ice water and Lip being sure you drank a decent amount - was a calm pretty swing ride. It had a lot of hight to it, but that was mostly so you could get a good view of the city while you swung around at a fast (but not dizzying) pace.

You got in line behind a pregnant mother and her young daughter, who looked to be not much older then Frannie. Smiling to yourself, you thought what it may be like to have kids with Lip some day. You didn’t want that day to be soon, of course. You and Lip had promised eachother that you wanted to finish college. He wanted to make it out of the south side, and while you were a Chicago transplant, you still understood why that was from the stories he told you of their growing up. You wanted to be sure that any family planning would stay far off until you and Lip were both working adult jobs, and had a house or something - when you were real adults.

You hadn’t even realized you’d made it to the front of the line, and were being broken out of your dreamland daze when the little girl stomps her feet “but mommy! We waited all this time! I wanna go on!” She said getting increasingly upset as the ride operator explained that single riders had to be of a certain height

“I know baby but mommy’s belly is too big - I can’t go on it’ll hurt your little sister! I’m sorry, honey. I really am.” The mother tried to explain, and Lip, being the brotherly gentleman he is spoke up.

“Uh- I’ll take ‘er for you, Ma’am - If that’s cool with you- babe are you good on your own?” He asked you and you felt yourself swoon like this was some romance movie and not real life. You nodded with a big smile

“He’s got so many siblings - he’s gonna look after her real well, I’ll sit right behind them!” You gushed and the woman lights up

“Oh gosh- would it be a hassle?” She asked

“Mommyyyy! Please! Pleeeeease!! I’ll listen so good!” She jumped excitedly and the mother looked at Lip before looking back at her.

“Fine- but you better listen! You hear me! Give this nice boy no trouble at all missy” she said, handing her hand over to Lip and she giggled excitedly

“Thank you mister! Thank you sooo much!” She gushed, throwing her arms around his hips and giving him a big hug. You pout at the adorable sight in front of you, following behind to sit in the single seat behind the double they’d be sitting in.

“I’m Marley, I’m 5, what’s your name?” She asked as Lip helped her into the seat before sitting next to her and adjusting the lap bar.

“I’m Lip” he said, causing her to giggle

“That’s a silly name- Lippy lip lip” she repeats as she swings her legs back and forth in that darling childlike way. “Are you a grown up?” She asked him and he chuckled a bit, realizing like when Debbie was little- this carnival ride was going to turn into more of an interrogation then anything else.

“I guess you could say that, yeah.” He said. You watched them with sparkling eyes, a big grin on your face as you saw just how good he was with her. Lip was always good with kids. They took to him because he would usually speak to them how he spoke to other adults (minus as much swearing as he could remember to omit) and that made them feel special, equal. Which is one of the many things he can say he wanted as a kid, and never got. So he did his best to pay it forward.

By the time you’d gotten to the top the wind was louder at the height as you spun so you were no longer able to hear their conversation so clear. You looked at the twinkling lights of Chicago below, trying to see if you could pick out the Gallagher house just by your mental map of the city you’d made in the few years you’d been living here. You did hear though when the girl started giggling wildly, drawing your attention back to them and you saw Lip pretending to be fully limp and dead in the seat next to the girl, tongue hanging out of his mouth and everything.

You shook your head, rolling your eyes at his silly antics. Even though he held up a hard exterior a lot of the time, you knew deep down he was a kid at heart which is why they liked him so much. When you got back down and hopped out of your seat, you greet him with a kiss “did he give you too much trouble?” You asked Marley and she giggled, shaking her head.

“No- Thank you, Lippy Lip” she told him giving him another sweet hug. You returned her to her mother and Lip told her they were welcome to Patsy’s for a piece of pie on the house any time which just made your heart swell even more at how generous and kind he was, even to a stranger he just met.

“You are just the sweetest- thank you so much, Sorry what was your name I never caught it-“

“LIP! Lippy lip lip lip!” The girl sings again, gasping when you came over with your large unicorn “She’s so fluffy I’m gonna die!” She squealed, hugging it tight “what’s its name?” She asked you, looking up with a bright sugar rush smile. This kids gonna sleep good tonight

“Uh- Baby Glitter!” You told her and she smiled

“Baby glitter is perfect” she told you and her mother giggled, a bit nervously at all of her energy likely so far past her bedtime.

“Well, Lip- thank you again. We’re gonna have to check out your restaurant! Alright Marley say goodbye to your new friend we have to go home now I said just one more ride” her mother told her and she pouted, handed your unicorn back over.

“Byeee Lip, I had fun playing with you” she gave him one last hug and you felt like your heart could explode with the way he ruffled her hair and pat her back in such a brotherly way.

“You too kid, be good f’y’r mom heard?” He told her and she nods, taking her mom’s hand and they head off into the crowd.

“You’d be a good dad” you said softly, taking his hand and lacing his fingers with yours. He laughed, shaking his head

“She was just a good kid” he counters.

You’d ended up together at the ferris wheel, luckily it wasn’t one that had to be balanced with weight so you could snuggle up to Lip with his jacket wrapped tight around you and legs over his lap. As soon as you got far enough from the ride operator he even pulled out a cigarette, lighting it and resting his head back as he blew the smoke out.

You sat and just watched him, admiring the way his Adam’s apple bobbed when he swallowed or the way he adorably sniffled once in a while since the poor guy had year round allergies it seemed, and never bothered with Zyrtec or any allergy medicine at all. “You’re pretty” you said softly, chin resting on his pec as you as you watched him.

He chuckled a bit, his cheeks flushing a cute pink. Before you, no one had ever called Lip ‘cute’ - He had been called a plethora of things.

Disobedient, disorderly, rude, loud, obnoxious, violent, a bad influence, a waste of potential -

But pretty? That was something that started (and he told himself very likely ended) with you.

“That’s all you c’mere” he tilted your chin up, giving you a sweet and tender kiss, cupping your cheek with his other hand and stroking his thumb across it. When he pulled from your lips he kissed across your forehead and browbone, down your nose to your cheekbones and then leaving one final lingering kiss on your jaw before having another drag of his cigarette casually. Your heart felt like it was thumping out of your chest, and your belly was swarming with so many butterflies it was as if migration season came early.

But that wasn’t new, it felt like that every day with lip. Ever the gentle, sweet, kind, affectionate man you had yearned for every past boyfriend to be for you. But you figured it was just the universes way of teaching you to appreciate French Vanilla Bean type of love - rich, fulfilling as opposed to the cheap watered down fake chemical crap that comes in a bottle with a squeeze lid.

So many emotions washed over you, gratitude, love, fulfillment, appreciation, but for some reason what won over- was lust. You weren’t quite sure where it came from, but by the time you had stopped at the top, you were in the depths of a passionate, heated makeout session - cigarette long crushed out.

The smoke scent clung to his palms that cradled your cheeks as if you were a fine porcelain doll to be cherished and gently caressed. He hummed softly, disconnecting your lips and soft puffs of breath fanning over your spit-slick lips as his mind short circuited a moment due to your hand trailing down and popping the button of his jeans, and pulling him free of his boxers and pants.

“You sure?” He asked carefully, hands trailing to your shoulders and squeezing them gently as if to silently tell you it was ok if you just got too caught up in the lust of it all. Lip Gallagher - ever the gentleman. In response you gently stroke over him, using the pre that had started to leak out of his hardening pink tip to give yourself some lubricating before reconnecting your lips once more, opening your mouth for him.

A small whine escaped your throat when he slipped his tongue into your mouth, his hips rutting up into your hand subconsciously. His stomach muscles flex under your touch as you slightly tighten your grasp, twisting your hand with each return pass.

Such actions was causing him to lose all resolve. He panted softly into your mouth, licking and sucking your tongue, breaking to grunt softly at the feeling of his dick trying to twitch at the delicious stimulation you provided but being unable to due to the literal grip you had on him.

“Doin’ so good- so fuckin good baby - god. Jesus fuckin Christ. Such a good girl f’me, huh?” He praised, giving you more sloppy kisses to be sure no moans escaped his throat and if they did would be muffled most of the way by your mouth.

You hummed at the praise tilting your head down and letting a glob of spit fall into your hand, using it as added slick to pump your hand faster and he bit his lip, nose scrunching adorably as he tried to hold himself back. “You gonna cum? Mm? Wanna cum in my hand baby?” You said in the shell of his ear hotly before taking the lobe between your teeth, slowing your strokes and rubbing over his sensitive leaky tip with the silky soft pad of your tongue.

The action made his jaw fall slack, head resting over the ledge of the ride and as you started moving again you quickened your pace realizing you were on your decent back to the bottom. “Yeah? Er you want me to swallow it? Hmm? Get on my knees for you-“ you goad, egging on his release.

He looks at you and nodded fervently, rendered speechless by the actions of your hand causing you giggle a bit- getting on your knees and out of sheer routine Lip gathered your hair in a makeshift ponytail and watched as you took him into your mouth, giving his tip sensual little kitten lips and tapping his cock against your tongue making soft wet thudding noises only to be heard by the two of you.

“So fuckin filthy- huh? So eager to have a mouthful’a cum with all these people around?” He eases your head down and you let your jaw fall more slack, swirling and slurping your tongue around him how you’d learned drives him wild.

It wasn’t long of lewd slurping and soft moans of enjoyment coming from you as you continued to get him off, before you felt it.

Success.

You braced yourself as he began using your hair to roughly fuck your face, panting softly as he worked himself through his high. “Jeeeesus - good fuckin’ girl, yeah? That’s my good fuckin girl- my girl” He rambled on as he worked himself through his high. You swirl and slurp around him, swallowing down all you could before he pulled you off

“So fuckin pretty with a mouth full’a’cum, how’s that possible?” He pats your cheek lovingly as you opened your mouth to show the stringy sticky white mess he left. You shrugged a bit, smiling friskely and swallowing, making a show of licking your lips off and he grabbed your jaw, collecting the mix of saliva and cum on your chin with the pad of this thumb before sticking it in your mouth

“Clean it up” he ordered and in turn you sucked the digit clean obediently. “Good girl, now come act decent in front’a’these people, yeah?” He tapped your cheek lightly and fixed his jeans and boxers as you come and plop back down next to him, licking your swollen lips that were adorned with a satisfied smirk as you completed your decent to the bottom

“Mmmm- oh my god literally the trip here was worth it just for this it’s the best” you hum softly, taking another bite of funnel cake from between Lips fingers when he put it to your mouth.

“Can’t lie it’s pretty fuckin good” he said, popping another piece in his mouth.

“Can you believe there are sinners in the world that put marinara sauce on this?!” You said and Lip starts laughing, shaking his head. “What? What!! It’s gross, you like it?” You asked not sure what was so funny

“Baby- babe” he coughs a bit, trying to catch his breath “oh god- y’fuckin kill me, kid. That’s fried dough, people do that with- you’re right, someone would be a fucking psychopath if they put marinara sauce on their cake” he said and you started laughing as well, shaking your head at your own confusion

“I love you” you said, leaning over and kissing his cheek. He blushed a bit, turning his face and giving you a real kiss. A kiss that tasted like tobacco and powdered sugar, and sticky sweet love.

“I love you, baby” he said in that soft low way you loved.

From that year on, the Carnival was a yearly date for the two of you.

A/N: EEE! My longest Lip fic to date!!! I hope you enjoyed, if you did please be sure to like / reblog to let me know ❤️ as always, (kind) critiques & feedback are always SO appreciated! Ilyilyilyyy all!!!

D/C: @carmybrainworms - Wormy stayed up until the wee hours of the morning last night beta reading this for me, Wormy 🪱, thank you for tasting my potatoes so many times!!! I love you down bbg

@mouseymilkovich - Mousey Mouse 🐁! Thank you so much for all your encouragement in writing Lip & inspiring me to do so! I love you so much ❤️

@carmenberzattosgf - My sweetest Martini 🍸, thank you for always lifting me up on hard days, supporting my work, being an all around kick ass friend, and feeding the fandom with your amazing Carmy goodness while I’ve been on this Lip kick! Smooches for days for you (you already know that💋💋💋)

& finally, @daysofyellowroses - my lovely flower 🌼, welcome back to the app baby!!! We missed you so much, even though we’ve been talking BTS, I am happy to see the writing bug has paid you a visit (a very good one that Kerry fic still has me sweating)

[skrrts]

ice cream break (drabble)

✧ gn!reader & jongho ✧ genre: non idol, slice of life, fluff ✧ word count: 722

you find yourself disappointed by the lack of rain after enduring the summer heat all day, but jongho shows up, surprising you with ice cream.

You looked up at the bright blue sky, wondering what had become of the clouds and rain your weather app had promised earlier today. It was hard to tell what was worse: to step out from an office with an amazing AC right into the heat or your disappointment about the rain you were so looking forward to thanks to the current heatwave giving you a hard time.

“I should get one of those mini fans,” you muttered, taking two stairs at a time, hoping to catch your bus and escape the summer heat. It really wasn’t your season, and you quietly cursed it, knowing everyone else seemed to love summer: the hotter the better.

A familiar figure appeared before you, bringing you back to reality. Jongho's face was calm and relaxed as always, his black hair shining in the afternoon sun. He seemed unbothered by the heat, wearing a long-sleeve jacket while everyone else wore as few fabrics as possible.

“Jongho,” you smiled and walked faster to reach him. He waited patiently for you, holding two waffles filled with ice cream. “When I finished work earlier, I saw that the rain they announced this morning wouldn’t arrive. I figured you’d be melting without some refreshments.” Ah yes, you texted him about this earlier.

He was teasing you, and you made a face but couldn’t hide the smile. “Well, as always, you’re more than right. How do you stand there looking all calm and cool while I feel like I’m about to die? What’s your secret?”

Jongho offered you one of the waffles with a small grin. “That is my secret. If anyone knew, it wouldn’t be as cool anymore, right?” Of course, he would give you an answer like that, but you enjoyed his sense of humor.

“Fine, I’ll just brag about you then. The man who never seems to sweat during the hot months,” you teased, taking a big bite of your ice cream. Jongho shook his head, watching you. “How can you eat ice cream like that?”

Maybe it wasn’t usual to swallow half of it at once, but it was too refreshing to be slow. “Secret technique! Besides, you came all this way to give this to me. I refuse to let the sun have even a small drop. This Choi Jongho afternoon snack surprise is all mine.”

You managed to coax a soft laugh from him as he shook his head. “You really are something.” Jongho ate his ice cream much slower, yet managed to dodge your attempt to playfully bump into his shoulder perfectly. It was like he knew what you were about to do before it happened.

“Mh, I am thankful you came. It was a nice surprise. Thank you. I mean, not only for the ice cream, this workday had been tense. It’s nice to see one of my favorite faces,” you mumbled the last part more softly. It was hard to tell if he noticed, but maybe he was just too kind to tease you this once.

“Well, I have been really busy lately with that new project at work, and you still took the time to send me a message every day, even knowing I’d probably not answer most of them. Just wanted to make sure you know I am still thinking about you, even if we do not text…”

You shrugged slightly, but he smiled anyway.

“I understand, and that’s okay. I will always be here whenever you have the time, so do not worry,” you promised. Jongho seemed to think for a moment before he opened his bag and pulled out a small cardboard box with one of those little fans printed on it.

“Well, I can’t bring you ice cream every day, but this should help. Once it’s autumn, I will be done, and we can meet more often again. So, make sure you do not melt until then.” His voice was so serious while the gesture was so sweet.

You looked at it, appreciating that it was even in your favorite color, before giving him a playful bow. “I shall not! Now that I have my own weapon against the heat and the promise of time with you, summer shall not defeat me.”

“Your ice cream is melting,” he answered instead, and you blushed, hurrying to finish it.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for calling out my friend's spending habits?

✈💸 to find later

I (NB 20s) have been struggling to find employment for a long time. I've been struggling a lot with money- I'm technically indebted to my bank due to an overdraft I dipped into during my last weeks of university while paying off surprise fees, and in the entire year since have been unsuccessful in paying it off for any meaningful length of time. The stress has been immense and I've been avoiding like the plague any kind of personal purchase or leisure activity that might cost me anything. It's a mindset that's been making me profoundly miserable and that I'll probably struggle to get out of for a long time.

However, in the past few weeks, I've managed to land what I can only describe as my dream job. It doesn't start for another couple months, and the pay won't be fantastic (it's an internship), but without a doubt it will change my life. Desperate to do something nice and give myself a break, members of my family agreed to lend me money via plane tickets to do a nice trip this summer and see my best friends abroad, my last big hurrah before entering the full-time workforce for the rest of my life (and being able to pay them back). And I've been really excited! I've been saving even harder than usual, scraping up cash and politely asking grandparents. It won't be easy to support myself in another country in my financial situation, I understand that, but I'm at a point where I think I can do it for a short time and not be a burden on the people who are hosting me.

However, the only issue comes with my friend (NB 20s). I've known them for years, we're extremely close, and we've been waiting for a chance to see each other again for most of that time not knowing if it would ever happen due to my financial situation, so this is the opportunity of a lifetime. They really want to host me, for at least 2 weeks, and do all these nice things together we've been planning. But in the past month or so they've all but drained hundreds of dollars from their bank account in art commissions and room decorations for themself, all of which they've been excitedly showing off to me and our other friends, all the while running out of money entirely. They can't pick up work from their (seasonal) job anymore, either, so there's no way for them to earn back the money now, and recently they've started having to push their commissions just to cover their student loan payment this month. In ordinary circumstances I wouldn't mind and would try and help them out, but I won't be in any financial position on the trip to cover their bills as well as my own (at least not regularly), and I feel like this would have been so preventable if they'd just... picked less wildly expensive things to buy as a treat, knowing the circumstances.

They've said they're also stressed and need to buy themselves nice things sometimes, which I totally agree with! I'm not that much of a party pooper, they are in a rough situation themself right now and the stuff they bought does make them genuinely happy. But it also sucks to watch them then have to struggle to pay for bills and necessities because of it, and I feel really selfish for thinking of it in the framework of our time together later as well. I've done my absolute best to be able to spend at least a few weeks having a great time with them not worrying and pinching pennies while taking care of myself, but now I'm worried we're just going to spend the trip with both of us stressed out of our minds and stuck at home struggling to pay for gas. I'm an anxious person, and the few times I've tried to bring up my worries in a more gentle way, they've vehemently reassured me everything will be fine, but now I'm leaving in just over a week and everything seems like it's getting worse instead of improving.

I know I should be just glad to spend time in their company, even if it is just at home, but I can't stop feeling like the way they've been spending money in the leadup to this has been really irresponsible and preventable. But even if so, it made them happy in the moment so i should be happy for them too, and surely it's just straight up none of my business? It's also not like they can take it back now- it's already happened, and they can't earn the money back if they wanted to. I feel like if i called them on it at this point it'd just be a dick move and come across pointless and jealous, but I also can't help but think it's unproductive to let this gnaw at me the entire time, like I should really be communicating this kind of upset and talk it out first in case it comes to a head and boils over and ruins our whole time together.

I'm aware I'll be long into the trip by the time this posts but it'd be nice to look back and see other perspectives.

[safetycar-restart]

🏍 again. The answers to my ask? Perfection, i love it. Particulaly Yamaha being afraid. They should.

Random thoughts, Enea kidnapping his dom for the summer break, cause he just want to continue to spend time together when he can now let go of the anxiety of if he would be able to ride again

As for Bezz, well periods can sync up so in abo would heats as well? Or ruts?

All the yes to what you wrote about Fabio, he def would need intense scenes and subspace to truly relax now. Def think he'd want to stay collared. In this au what kind of relationship milestone would that equal? Also Fabio def has several collars to match different outfits.

Love the thoughts about Marc. Can def see a picknick by a lake so swimming is possible, he sure post a lot of swimtrunk photoes. Also he deserves all the fun and relaxation. That bike truly scares me.

I'm really vibing with the Motogp riders at the moment and I love all of these thoughts so much! So lets discuss :))

ENEA:

You know those people who raised kittens in quarantine who now have cats with extreme separation anxiety and no personal space?

Yeah that's what happened with Enea. Cause he got injured in the first race of the season, you barely even knew him at this point. But you were not gonna make him recover on his own, so you went home with him and that's where you two bonded while he recovered. Which was amazing for him, because he really needed a dom that he could fall back on during his recovery.

But it also meant that the foundations of your relationship were built on Enea always having you near and now he just flat out refuses to do things on his own. You're a team now!

So absolutely you get kidnapped during the summer break. He doesn't even consider the idea of you two being separated during the summer break, not even for a week or two. Because no! No you raised a kitten during quarantine and now you must suffer the consequences!

He's in a much better headspace though, and it's very clear to see that. He's so much more relaxed, able to actually have fun and enjoy his break and yes okay get fucked nice and hard because he's a horny little shit.

And like, you can go visit your family and friends and stuff, that's absolutely fine he would never stop you from doing that. (As long as he can come with)

BEZZ:

I never even considered the notion of ruts synching up but oh my god maybe?? Which immediately made me think of this... the omegas in the pack helping you and Bezz through your ruts together. You two are their pack alphas, so of course they're gonna be there ready and wiling.

So it's you and bezz fucking them right to next each other, trading kisses and watching each other and the entire pack is obsessed.

FABIO (wow this was way longer than I expected but I just love this):

So I think of collaring similar to a marriage. You can be married and not wear a wedding ring, but then no one would know you're married?? Same thing here. You can be collared and not wear a collar, but then no one would be able to tell. Except there's a little more emphasis on the possessiveness for collaring.

How I see it at that point for fabio is that you had kinda collared fabio for a long time, in the sense that he wears collars during scenes and he knows he's yours and wants no one else.

But during the summer holidays, when it's just the two of you and he's staying in subspace for much longer, you allow him to wear collars outside of scenes as well. And he just... he never wants to take them off. He LOVES wearing your collar full time, loves the weight against his neck, the way people don't try to flirt with him, loves being owned and feeling so so loved.

So yeah, he doesn't want to go back to the way things were. You try to almost wean him of his collars towards the end of the summer break in preparation for going back to the way things were because you assume fabio doesn't want to be collared when he's at races.

But every single time you try to limit his collars, he just breaks down and begs for them back. Like one morning he's gonna go out for breakfast with some friends and you aren't going, so you think it's the perfect time for him to not wear a collar again. You don't mention a collar as he gets ready, not offering him one or anything. But then once he's dressed, he comes to you with a big smile and two of his collars, asking you which one you think matches his outfit more and when you say he doesn't need to wear one, his smile drops.

"No?" he asks, confused, "you don't... you don't want me to wear a collar? Do you not want people to know? Did I do something wrong? I can cancel breakfast and we can talk about it, yes? Lets talk, please?"

And just... yeah you can't do that to him. So he wears his collars full time, and he loves buying new ones to match his outfits.

MARC:

Yes Marc LOVES picnics. Honestly I think Marc loves anything that involves being in the sun and swimming. He ADORES sunbathing with you (you two fall asleep outside one afternoon and Marc has a in the shape of your hand across his chest for a week).

And absolutely NO bikes for at least three weeks. NONE. ZERO. He needs to relax and relax only!!

[ummick]

Mick’s Diary: Finding Gains in the Simulator

Hello, we’re back with another chapter of my diary with the team.

We last spoke before the summer break and that was a long time ago! Having a break during the season is very important. I think it’s getting more and more important as more races are added. Some teams don’t have the opportunity to do shifts and change personnel, so having the chance to unwind is vital. For me, it was a good break; a nice opportunity to rest for a bit and detach from motorsport, but also get ready for the second half of the year. Whenever I have some time off to unwind and relax I always like to do a lot of different things, trying to do new things and find the best way to switch off, which is very different from person to person. The last races that we did in Europe were my last two overnight sims doing race support. Now we’re well into the flyaways, with Singapore, Japan and now Qatar done. I spent some time in Tokyo and went to Australia between Japan and Qatar. Now I’m very excited for the next races. I’ve continued to settle into the team through the year and get to know more and more of my colleagues. I really enjoy being around the people. It’s incredible to be able to learn from all these great minds. I’ve been curious in getting to know everybody better and embed myself within the team. There were a few relationships from before joining that have helped. It’s been good to get to know the people that worked with my dad and all the new colleagues too. It's been nice to feel the enthusiasm about the simulator work across the year and with those final two overnight sessions. We’ve made some good progress in developing the car and that’s been cool to see. The overnight sims are obviously quite tiring, so it’s rewarding when you see something come out of it. We have a lot of work to get through, though, so you’re totally focused on that. We try to tick every box and help the team for the rest of the weekend. I’ll now be trackside across the whole weekend for these remaining grands prix. In my role as reserve driver, I need to be ready to jump in the car should Lewis or George not be able to drive. If I were back in the simulator at Brackley, I wouldn’t be able to do that. While my simulator work has mostly focused on W14, there have been plenty of learnings that are also useful for the future. The development of W15 started quite a while ago. It’s really an on-going progress. Everything we learn from this year’s car along the way feeds into next year, and we’ve learned a great deal. Everyone is working so hard to develop the best possible car we can for the start of next year. And in the background, there’s work on my own plans for next year. These are still evolving and it’s just a matter of trying to understand exactly which direction we can go in, how to fit in the commitments and things like that. It just takes time. As always, thanks so much for all the support, the kind words and comments I see. I hope you’ve enjoyed the insight this time around and I’ll speak to you later in the year.

[clothyume]

Colourful Good Job Episode 3

Episode 3

Season: Summer 

Characters: Kuro, Sora, Niki

(The next day)

Sora: HaHa~♪ Hello! Sora is enthusiastic today too☆

Niki: Hiy~a, Harukawa-kun. You’re enthusiastic today too, eh~

Sora: Hm~ ? Cooking-onii~san, you have a happy ‘colour’?

Niki: So you can tell! The truth is, earlier I was notified that the package I ordered has been shipped♪

Anyway, what do you mean by ‘colour’?

Sora: Yep. Sora can see lot’s more ‘colours’ than other people 

Cooking-onii~san is always overflowing with bright ‘colours’. It makes Sora happy just watching.  

Niki: Eh, sounds like fun. My cooking looks just as colourful, doesn’t it?  

Kuro: Oh, I’m the last huh. Were you waiting long?  

Niki: No, you made it in time so it’s okay

Kuro: My bad. Anyway, everyone is here, so let’s get started with the plan for the staff appreciation party.  

Sora: HiHi~! Sora collected some information from the staff just for today!  

Niki: Harukawa-kun did something like that, eh 

Sora: Yup! It was fun getting to hear lots of different stories~. Sora summarised all the data, wanna see?  

Kuro: Lemme see… Lots of people said they had thought about it, but were too busy with work to know if they could participate  

Sora: It’ll be sad if no one comes even though we’re hosting it especially 

Kuro: It’d be nice if it can be held at a time when as many people as possible can stop by

Niki: Well what about after everyone’s finished with work? Like saying thanks for working hard every day?  

Sora: Ah… But, Sora heard that it’s a problem if its too late~. Everyone has different circumstances when they’ve finished work, Sora wants to respect their privacy  

Niki: Ah~ That’s true. If I can’t eat a delicious meal then I definitely wouldn’t participate… 

Kuro: What about holding it around noon?  

Normally, anyone would go to the staff canteen or “Cinnamon”, but on the day of the staff appreciation party we can serve a delicious meal so everyone can feel refreshed 

Sora: HuHu~ That’s a great idea! That way we don’t have to get in the way of the staff’s work~♪ 

Niki: In that case, we should find a place closer to ES. Maybe more people will come if it’s a place that doesn’t take long to travel to 

Kuro:  Ah. Where in ES… What about a large conference room or the break room? 

Niki: If it’s not even halfway big enough everyone will end up crammed in 

Sora: If that happens, no one will be refreshed at all~?  

Niki: Somewhere a little more open would be a better idea. Are there any good ideas in the data you’ve summarised?

Sora: Hm~m. A place where it’ll be okay if lots of people turn up, and a sense of openness… 

Ah, what about the sky garden? It’s outside so it won't get cramped even if everyone turns up! 

Kuro: That’s right. It’s really spacious, so that’s not a bad idea  

We’ve got the venue down, next is food… 

Niki: Loud and clear! I want you to take a look at the menu I’ve been thinking up to fit the budget 

Kuro: Are you going to make the meals in advance and then bring them to the sky garden? 

Niki: Of course. It’s necessary to prepare in advance but taking each individual order and preparing it there and then wouldn’t be impossible

‘Cinnamon’ has a mobile stall, so I’m gonna ask to lend it♪ 

Sora: A stall? It’s going to be like a festival, how fun~♪ 

Kuro: Haha, Harukawa-kun seems really keen, so let’s go with the idea of borrowing that stall to make the meals

Niki: Roger that! As the chef, I want people to eat my freshly-made food 

Kuro: We have Shiina to do the cooking, so we don’t need to worry♪ 

Niki: Of course, leave it to me! But if I get tired, you’re good at cooking aren’t you, Kiryu-kun

We’ve cooked together many times during club activities, you’re really skillful and helpful 

Kuro: I’m nowhere near as good as a chef though. What about Harukawa-kun? Do you usually cook meals?  

Sora: Nope, Sora doesn’t really cook~. All Sora can do is help someone cook 

Kuro: If that’s the case, I wonder if easy meals will be good enough.  

Niki: If it comes to it, we could make grilled dishes. Like yakisoba or yakitori~… 

(30 minutes later) 

Sora: Hmm~… Have we decided what we need to do?  

Kuro: Although the budget is limited, we’ve written a surprisingly strong plan, haven’t we?  

Niki: I feel like we’ve got a fun idea that makes me think “I’ll do my best tomorrow too”, right, Harukawa-kun?

Sora: Yeah! I think this plan will make the staff and the others happy!  

Sora alone couldn’t have made a plan like this~ Thank you so much♪ 

Niki: No way, Harukawa-kun collected all the opinions in advance!  

Kuro: It’s as Shiina says. Without this, it would’ve been tough to make a plan today 

Sora: Sora is very happy that Sora could be useful~♪ 

[twilightmalachite]

Cruise - Survival 1

Author: Akira

Characters: Natsume, Sora, Tsumugi

Translator: Mika Enstars

Proofers: rui

"…Now, how does Sora build a house?"

Season: Summer

Location: Tropical Island Sandy Beach

⚠️ This chapter is not yet JP Proofread!

Natsume: …SiGH.

I'm at a loSS, there's really nothing we can dO. At minimUM, I’llcontact ES and have them come collect us as soon as possibLE. FortunateLY, my smartphone seems to have signAL.

Tsumugi: Ah, yes, you're right. Let's contact our agency as soon as possible.

And also… Before the sun sets, it’d be in our best interest to put together a place where we can rest for the time being, right?

Sora: Hmm? Why? Aren't we going to get picked up?

Tsumugi: We are. But even if we contact ES now and their rescue team hurries on over, it'd take at least three days, or even a week, depending on the policies and procedures.

In situations like this, it's better to assume and prepare for the worst-case scenario.

Sora: Haha~! Understood! Sora will do his best, then! How can he help?

Tsumugi: Let's establish the bare necessities and divide it between ourselves. Fufu, Sora-kun's positive attitude sure does save us. Right, Natsume-kun?

Natsume: ……

Tsumugi: Natsume-kun?

Sora: ? Shisho~? Is Shisho~ okay?

Tsumugi: Are you tired? In that case, please go rest in the shade, Natsume-kun. We can take care of the rest.

Natsume: No, it's okAY. The heat's just making me a bit tirED… I'm alrigHT, and I'll help out tOO.

Tsumugi: Hmm… If you say so. But if you ever feel you're not, please take a break, okay?

Alright, let's split the work…

Sora: HiHi~! Alright, Sora's going to work hard to build a house!

……

…Now, how does Sora build a house?

Hmm~, Sora's stumped~. He isn't a carpenter, so he has no house-building experience. Ummm~…?

Ah, got it! First, he has to figure out the floor plan~. Sora can draw on the beach with this wooden stick! ☆

HuHu~, then if he stacks big stones up like bricks along the lines, he can make walls~!

So if Sora does that… From here~… to over here will be the living room we can all gather ‘round in~…

And here's the kitchen~… Where should Shisho~, Senpai, and Sora's room be? Hmm~, this is hard~…

Tsumugi: Let's see… Ah, this block of wood seems to be dry, just right. Now I just need a thin wooden stick… Oh, this one here should do.

Hmm~… I've seen them do it on TV, but is it really possible to start a fire like this…?

Well, might as well give it a try.

Thirty minutes later…

Tsumugi: Haah… Hah…!

I can't do it…! Not a single puff of smoke! How in the world did our ancestors go about starting fires!?

Hah~… I guess I really am too old for this, huh~? My arms are heavy from fatigue.

Ugh… And on top of that I'm sticky and uncomfortable…

Ah, ow! Sweat got in my eyes…!

How come it has to sting so badly? …This is no good, let's take a small break.

…Hm? Oh, it's a little crab.

Fufu, the little white pattern across its red body reminds me of Natsume-kun~. I feel a sense of kinship. Nice to meet you, Crabtsume-kun! ♪

Oh! It's holding both its pinchers up~!

Umm… Does it want something? A handshake, maybe? My hand is too big, so here, I'll use a finger…

Agh!? Why are you pinching me!? Ow ow ow ow!?

Please let go, it hurts~!!

Meanwhile…

Natsume: SiGH… I was told to look for something that we can use as foOD, bUT… Where on earth do I begIN…?

On the beach you'll find nothing but dried-up seaweed scattered aboUT. WeLL, in a pinch I suppose this can be edibLE…

(HmM… I'm sure there's lots of seafood in the sEA, bUT… I have no clue how to catch any without fishing geAR.)

(It's when things like this happen that you're able to truly realize how much we benefit from the convenience of modern civilizatiON.)

UgH… So hOT… And I feel it's just getting hotter and hotter into the afternoON.

Ahh, now that I recaLL, didn't Senpai mention that you can fall ill during the hottest hours of the dAY? No doubt about thAT, this heat really is unlike any othER…

But either wAY, food won't just come to me if I’m only waiting around on the beaCH, so I have to figure out some other way to secure soME.

← prev | story directory | next →

[notsocheezy]

Brain Curd #167

Brain Curds are lightly edited flash fiction - practically first drafts - posted daily (haven't missed one yet!) and sometimes written with the express intention of being terrible… but, you know, in an endearing way. Please like and reblog if you enjoy - the notes keep me going!

Another night of dreams with a stowaway: my father, acting as if no time has passed at all, with all the imperfections scrubbed away. He's my sidekick (about damn time, after how long I spent as his) as we peruse the nightlife back home.

We pop into a shop that isn't there anymore. The warming lamps keep cozy an assortment of plastic-contained meals, reasonably priced. I used to come here for chicken tenders and a Mexican Coke during my lunch break. No particular item calls to me, so we look through the frozen section this store never had. But there isn't time. There just isn't time. A microwave set to thirty seconds lasts an eternity. They're closing in five minutes.

It's not how it usually is. I don't have a boat to catch. I'm not late for anything, not really going anywhere, for once there's nothing to worry about. Except eating. I have to eat.

“You need to take this pill with food. That's why you're feeling so sick.”

“I can't keep track of it all. I just can't, Mom.”

“You need to take care of yourself.”

He says if we don't find anything here, we'll have to go to Pete's. Cheese fries sound nice, and for once I'm in the mood for the way they serve them there: straight from the fryer into styrofoam, melting the polymer just a little, quickly topped with more nacho cheese sauce than it can contain. I never used to like the hint of jalapeño in these fries, couldn't stomach it, but it calls to me from an emptied past.

“One cracker. That's all. There just needs to be something in your stomach.”

“Is it really that simple?”

“Of course.”

“But no one told me.”

Usually I eat very slowly, but before I realize I’ve taken a single bite, I lick the styrofoam clean of sauce and seasoned salt. I ate more fries than he did, but he doesn't complain, doesn't tell me it's ‘not a race’. I'm not quite sure he's said anything at all.

I'm back in an apartment up the hill, where I'm staying, even though I haven't had a key to it since the summer after high school, when my grandmother had a stroke. I'd spent a week there, packing. The place was infested with ants since it hadn't been cleaned in weeks. There's no resemblance to that now; it's a calming, cozy, lonely place. It's only been five minutes since we were at the store, or so my watch tells me. Where did he go?

“It's all I could find, but it does have cranberries in it. Sip on this, don't chug it. It should help.”

“Thank you. For everything.”

“Maybe take some melatonin… sleep through the worst of it?”

“Yeah. The worst of it.”

“The heating pad should help too, but don't fall asleep with it on.”

It's so funny, isn't it? The nightmares gone, all I have to fear is what happens to me while I'm awake.

[totowlff]

chapter nineteen — attention

➝ toto seems distracted, and elisabeth can’t help but feel like he’s ignoring her. she comes up with a plan to get his attention.

➝ word count: 6,2k

➝ warnings: smut

AUGUST, 2015

Walking through the paddock at Spa-Francorchamps, Elisabeth was excited.

She was back in action, and felt fully recharged.

After six intense months of travel, meetings and racing, the Formula 1 summer break was a welcome time for her to disconnect from work, like her parents, brothers and friends always asked her to. However, she couldn’t go long without a good challenge.

And in those weeks of rest, she had faced two.

Shortly after the race in Hungary, Elisabeth and Toto returned to England together to sort out some backlog at the factory before leaving, and it was evident that from the moment they stepped onto the private jet that she wasn't the person most excited for the two-week break.

— Are you okay, dear? — she asked, looking up from her copy of ‘The Fault In Our Stars’. She’d seen the book in Rosa’s backpack on one of the weekends she’d spent with the kids and got curious about it. After asking some questions about it, Elisabeth decided to buy and read it, in order to have something to talk about with Rosa. 

— Yes, Liesl. Why do you ask?

— You look like you’re going to jump out of your chair at any moment — she said as she slipped a bookmark in between the pages of Augustus and Hazel’s visit to the Anne Frank House, and closed the book.

— I’m looking forward to our trip. It’s our first trip together.

She giggled.

— You say that like we don’t live on planes and in hotels.

— You know what I mean — he chuckled.

— I don’t, Toto — Elisabeth said, placing the book on the seat next to her — Explain it to me.

— I mean… Our first trip for fun. You, me, the kids, in a villa in Porto Cervo. No particular time to wake up in the morning, no meetings, no business. Only us.

She smiled.

— I’m excited too. It will be an unforgettable summer.

And she were right.

The two weeks they spent in Sardinia seemed to have come straight from a dream. With the sun shining in the clear sky of the Italian coast, they stayed in a villa in northeast Sardinia. There wasn’t a day where they were bored, either — if they weren’t snorkeling in the crystal clear waters or taking a boat ride, they were relaxing on one of the practically deserted white sand beaches.

It was in those quiet moments that she found herself growing closer to Benedict and Rosa. They seemed to be getting more comfortable with having her around — they were no longer so reserved and shy, like the first few times she’d met them. Now, their conversations together were happy, full of laughter and smiles that filled her heart with love.

“It was such a nice vacation”, she thought, waving at a reporter who passed her in front of the Red Bull Racing’s motorhome. However, the man next to Elisabeth would use a word other than “nice” to describe his summer break.

Her father, who was walking beside her, had spent what should have been a relaxing two weeks studying the W06 data collected during the first ten Grands Prix. Not even a trip to the family’s home on the Spanish island of Ibiza had taken Niki’s focus off his ideas to perfect the car for the second half of the season.

— You’re excited — her father muttered.

— Of course I am! I missed the paddock — Elisabeth replied, smiling.

Niki shook his head.

— You, missing this mess? — he said, a smile on his face. It was ironic for her to say so considering her previous aversion to the circus that was Formula 1 in her very early months involved in the sport. However, there was poetry to the madness.

“Or I’m officially crazy”, she thought, looking at her father.

— So, you see what I’ve become because of you — she replied, the shutter clicks of the cameras that accompanied them becoming more insistent, recording almost every step they took down the paddock.

Her father laughed, turning into the Mercedes garage. Inside, she found the usual hustle and bustle, with mechanics making adjustments to the car, engineers and drivers watching the screens mounted in the middle of the garage. At the far end of the Engineering Station, standing next to Toto, was a familiar figure, his curly hair rumpled by his black cap.

It was her brother.

— Mathias — she exclaimed, enveloping him in a tight hug as she approached — How are you?

— Hi, Elschen — he replied, while she placed her lips on his cheek — I’m fine. How are you?

— Everything’s good. How was the summer?

— Hectic. Lenny is walking now and hasn’t stopped running around for a second, Claire is going crazy trying to make the house completely safe for him — he said, laughing — It looks like you got some sun on yours?

He was looking at her shoulder, exposed by the neckline of the dress she was wearing. Pale stripes of where her bikini had been contrasted with her tan. It was a reminder of her days in the Italian sunshine.

— Let’s say I finally disconnected from work — she said with a grin.

— Disconnected a bit too much for my liking — Niki butted in, putting his hands in the pockets of his jeans — Trying to get ahold of you these past two weeks has been a challenge.

Elisabeth raised an eyebrow.

— Weren’t you the one telling me I should rest more?

Her father laughed.

— Rest, not disappear. Not just you, but Toto too. Were you in the same place, by chance?

She felt like she had been punched in the stomach. Elisabeth turned to the team principal with a smile, eyes pleading for help.

— I spent the break with Ben and Rosi in Portofino, Niki. They wouldn’t even let me think about picking up my phone. I could only reply to messages while they were sleeping. — Toto said, laughing.

Aside from the fact that he had said Portofino, which was one of the options they had considered before choosing Porto Cervo to take their summer vacation, everything he said was true. Benedict and Rosa had set a tight leash on them, preventing both of them from using their cell phones. Even taking pictures became a challenge — the moment either one of them would take their phones out of their pockets or bags, they would glare at them in disapproval.

The only time they were able to respond to messages was when the kids slept, exhausted after a day exploring the Sardinian coast.

— And you, Elschen? — Mathias asked, his expression carrying an air of curiosity.

— I was in Sardinia.

— By yourself? — Niki asked.

— Yes — she lied.

— Why didn’t you come with us to Ibiza? — Mathias asked, crossing his arms. The inquisitive gaze was causing Elisabeth to get anxious.

— I just needed some time for myself, that’s all.

— And if I may say so, it did you a lot of good, Liesl — Toto said, appearing beside her with a mischievous grin on his face. Not even her best scolding look made him stop talking — You seem so much more relaxed. Besides, it looks like you got some sun.

— You too, Toto — she replied, before looking at the back of his neck and removing a piece of peeling skin  — Too bad your tan didn’t turn out.

Niki and Mathias chuckled, while Toto gave her a knowing look. Even with her best efforts to keep everyone’s skin well protected from the blazing sun on Costa Smeralda, it only took one afternoon of distraction before she spent the night smearing aftersun lotion on Toto’s back, his groans of pain being accompanied by her laughter, as well as her delicate kisses on his burned skin.

— Well, while you guys were busy getting a tan, I was looking into the aero team’s solutions — Niki said, pointing with a thumb at Lewis’s W06, which was behind him.

— Did anything change in the car? — Elisabeth asked.

— Yes, Mauslein. Mike, Jarrod, and I came up with a new, spoon-shaped rear wing.

She approached the car, eyeing the rear wing. It was different, with curved flaps that were indeed reminiscent of a spoon.

— Why the change?

— We were looking for a way to balance drag and downforce on the high-speed tracks — Toto said, behind her — We tried to do it in Monaco by tweaking the monkey seat and got pretty satisfying results.

Elisabeth raised an eyebrow at him.

— What is a monkey seat?

The three men laughed. Elisabeth felt her face redden with embarrassment. She hated it when that happened.

— It’s this part here, Elschen — her brother said as he walked past her, touching an exposed carbon structure just below the rear wing.

— It wouldn’t be enough to have downforce here in Spa — her father continued — The drag would be too much and we would lose a lot on the straights, so the aero guys and I started talking about solutions for the faster tracks ahead.

— In this case, here and Monza — Toto added.

— Exactly. So, while I was watching some videos from other races here in Spa, specifically the 2004 race, when Räikkönen won with the McLaren MP4-19B. I noticed something different in the wing of his car, so I called Mike and told him and discussed it with him.

— Were you watching old races while you were in Ibiza? — she looked at her father, indignant.

— I already told you, Elisabeth, someone needs to work while the rest of you are idle.

She shook her head.

— So you bothered Jarrod about it in the middle of summer break?

— Well, I tried calling Toto, but apparently his kids wouldn’t allow interruptions.

— Rightly so — she muttered under her breath. It earned her a reproachful look from her father.

— So, then, I decided to go directly to the aerodynamics guys. — Niki said, explaining his reasoning — My point is that the curve in the lower flap generates more downforce in the centerline of the car, at the same time it cuts the drag and reduces the vortices originating from the top of the rear wing endplates. It should give us the balance we were looking for between downforce and drag.

Elisabeth blinked. She felt like her dad was speaking an entirely different language. Of course, being there among the mechanics and engineers, she understood what some words meant, but so much technical jargon didn’t make any sense to her. After all was said and done, she still didn’t understand why a curved wing would make a bigger difference to the car’s speed in only two circuits in the whole world. 

However, she smiled.

— The tests done in the wind tunnel last week were very promising, so after talking to the engineers and Lewis and Nico, we chose to bring this wing package here this week.

— Isn’t it risky, dad? — Mathias asked, crossing his arms.

— Well, yesterday the car behaved very well with the changes.

— Didn’t Nico spin out yesterday? — Elisabeth asked, raising an eyebrow.

— The tire blew out — she heard a voice say beside her, making her jump. She turned her head to the side and saw Nico, who had a mischievous smile on his face — How are you, Elisabeth?

— Everything’s great, Nico — she replied, greeting him with a kiss on the cheek — Thanks for the information.

— No problem — the man smiled, placing his hand on the curve of her spine casually — Actually, I’m thinking about it even now.

— What do you mean by that? — Toto asked, staring at his driver, coldly.

— The mechanics said it was an external cut that caused the tire to go — Nico explained — It’s just not the first time this season this has happened. Honestly, it doesn’t make any sense since there was no debris on the track.

— Do you have any theories? — Mathias asked.

— I still think that Pirelli got something wrong in the design of the structure of the compounds. I even talked to Tony about it. We decided we need to be more cautious at pit stops when using used tires instead of new ones.

— That’s not good — Elisabeth said, looking at the driver. She always rooted a little more for Lewis than she did for Nico, but she couldn’t deny his importance to the success of the team as a whole. In the end, what mattered were the results that both cars produced.

— Indeed — he smiled at her, before looking at the others present — But we’ll figure it out. We always figure it out, don’t we, Toto?

— Always, Nico — the team principal replied, a small smile on his face — But, on that note, shouldn’t you be getting ready?

The driver glanced toward his side of the garage, where mechanics were huddled around his car, making the final adjustments for free practice.

— I still have ten minutes, Toto — Nico smiled, running a hand through his blond hair.

— I think you’d better go check it out. We don’t want any problems later on qualifying.

— Well, you’re the boss — the driver said, removing his hand from her back — I’ll go there then.

— Good luck, Nico — she replied, with a friendly smile.

The man gave Elisabeth an affirmative thumbs up before turning his back and heading towards the left side of the garage. After Nico walked away, the conversation turned back to the spoon-shaped wing, with Niki explaining about the data that had been collected the day before, even going so far as to call Lewis to briefly comment with him on his impressions.

However, as hard as Elisabeth tried to understand what everyone was discussing, she was completely lost. Slowly approaching Toto, she nudged him. He looked at her and smiled.

— What is a vortex? — she asked softly.

— It’s the spiraling movement of air around an axis.

Elisabeth stared at him, waiting for him to continue to explain further, maybe in words a little clearer than the ones he’d just used. However, he turned his attention back to her father, completely ignoring her. “What the fuck”, she thought, pursing her lips.

Free practice results were not surprising — Lewis led the session after completing 15 laps. His best time was 1'48’‘984, more than half a second ahead of Nico, who had to settle for second, having scored 1'49’'482.

— The new wing idea was brilliant, Niki — Toto said, rising from his chair with a smile on his face. Elisabeth expected him to turn to her and greet her with a hug, as he always did after good sessions. However, the team principal’s attention was on her father, who hugged him warmly — We have everything for a front row lockout later.

— And we’ll make it, I’m sure — Niki replied, patting Toto on the shoulder — Want to have lunch now?

— No, we have the debrief now — he replied, setting his silver headphones on the table — That way everyone is free until the qualifying session. Is that a problem for you, Niki?

— No, let’s go — her father replied — See you later, Mauslein.

— See you later, Elisabeth — Toto said, walking out the back of the garage with Niki on his heels.

She felt strange about the whole situation. While she was happy to see them interacting, she couldn’t help but feel left out. Was it because of the conversation they had earlier? “Shouldn’t I have talked about his sunburn?”, she wondered, her gaze lost on the screen in front of her, which was replaying Lewis’s practice runs.

— Elisabeth — she heard someone say behind her — Do you want to have lunch with me?

Looking over her shoulder, she saw Mathias smiling at her. She set her headphones on the table and took a deep breath. “I’m imagining things”, she thought, walking toward the back of the garage to meet her brother.

Elisabeth had hoped that, by the time she got back from lunch, her mood would have improved. However, as she sat in the chair just behind the Engineering Station, she had no idea what was going on in qualifying. She couldn’t focus. She was so angry. 

Her brother was sitting in a chair at the Engineering Station, next to her father and Toto. The three of them were talking excitedly about the Lewis and Nico’s results, who had left the garage for Q1 on medium tires, unlike the rest of the grid that used softs.

— I think our biggest concern will be Valtteri — she heard Toto say, pointing his finger at the Finn’s name on the screen — He managed the medium tires very well this session.

— Are Nico and Lewis going to be on mediums? — Mathias asked, his eyes fixed on the numbers and names she had taken so long to understand at first.

— So far, yes. Let’s see if we can save the softs for Q3 — the team principal replied, giving her brother a smile. A smile much like the one he gave her.

Elisabeth had no idea what made her get out of her chair and go to the garage’s bathroom. It wasn’t like Toto was going to leave her for her brother, that was ridiculous. But relative coldness from the man she’d finally accepted that she loved was hard to swallow, especially coming back from two weeks of being showered with affection.

She locked the door of the restroom stall and stared at her reflection in the mirror on the back of it.

— What do I do? — she asked herself, her gaze taking in her hair, up in a ponytail, the necklace around her neck, the comfortable dress she’d chosen for that day. She ran her hand down her dress and felt the elastic of her panties through the fabric of her clothes.

That gave her an idea.

— Let’s give him a reminder — Elisabeth said quietly, lifting the bottom of her dress and pulling her panties down, sliding them through her legs. She folded them carefully into a small triangle.

Then, hiding them in a clenched fist, she took one last look in the mirror before opening the door and stepping out of the cubicle. As she walked down the corridor, she could feel her pulse quicken in her ears and felt something tighten in her abdomen.

It was excitement.

When Elisabeth returned to the garage, she found the familiar chaotic dance of equipment and mechanics around the two cars, preparing for the next part of the qualifying session. In the midst of it all, Toto, Niki and Mathias stared at some graphs while Bono explained something, pointing at some colored lines on the screen. The atmosphere around the engineering table was one of pure concentration, even with the deafening noise of the pneumatic pistols.

Approaching them, she started to follow Lewis’ race engineer’s reasoning as Toto looked at her, smiling. She took another step, getting closer to him. Close enough to bring her face close to his ear.

— What are you looking at over there? — Elisabeth asked softly, innocently. In her left hand she clutched the lace anxiously.

— Lewis’ performance graphs correlated with the data we collected in the free practice sessions — the team principal began to explain, pointing to the driver’s braking and accelerating points. She moved closer to him, feigning interest in the matter. However, her hand was already snaking towards his coat pocket. She left her panties tucked inside his pocket, trying to hide her smile.

— Interesting — she replied, pulling away and crossing her arms. Then her gaze met his, a curious glint appearing in his brown eyes — Bono, something we should be worried about?

— Not really. The results from this session and from the earlier sessions are looking pretty similar — the engineer said, pushing the square-framed glasses back to the top of his nose. As he explained his observations to Elisabeth, out of the corner of her eye, she saw that Toto had his hand in his coat pocket. From the movement of his hand through his coat, she knew his fingers were grasping the garment in an attempt to discover what she had just left there.

— There’s only one braking point that shows a discrepancy, but I believe it’s because of traffic Lewis picked up on one of the laps — the engineer continued, pointing to a couple of lines on the screen. However, she was no longer paying attention to the chart in front of her. Elisabeth only had eyes for Toto, who was shifting uncomfortably in his seat. “Has he guessed what’s in his pocket yet?”, she thought, running her tongue over her lips.

— Is he going to continue with the medium tires? — she asked, trying to keep her voice casual.

— We’re going to try to hold him as long as possible with the mediums. Clearly Lewis is managing to deliver results with him on track. Nico, too.

— The wear is going better than expected, Elisabeth — Toto finally spoke up, his voice in a serious, measured tone.

— Didn’t Nico say he wanted to change his tires early because of the blowout earlier? — Mathias asked. If he got an answer, she didn’t hear it. Elisabeth’s eyes were fixed on Toto’s and she couldn’t hear anything else going on around her. His look conveyed a clear message to her without saying a word or even changing his facial expression. 

“I’m in trouble”, she thought, returning to her chair at the back of the garage and crossing her legs.

As the Q3 clock ran out, the Mercedes garage erupted in cheers. Another pole position from Lewis, and a front-row lockout with Nico in P2. She stood up and walked over to the Engineering Station, giving her father a hug and kiss on the cheek.

— You’re a genius — Elisabeth whispered to him, smiling.

Then, she gave Toto a hug, too, not saying anything to him. However, she heard the words she feared most into her ear.

— My office. Ten minutes.

Lewis and Nico returned to the garage and she greeted them. Then, she spent a few minutes talking with her father and brother, until Elisabeth realized that Toto was no longer there. She excused herself and left the garage to go to hospitality. She had a million guesses as to what the team principal wanted with her.

After saying hello to Barbara, who was cleaning a table, Elisabeth walked upstairs to Toto’s office. Her heels echoing through the stairway corridor only made her more tense. She felt like she was a dead woman walking, even though she knew he wouldn’t do anything to her. “Or would he?”, she thought, her eyes reading his name on the placard bolted next to his door.

Elisabeth turned the handle and opened the door, finding Toto leaning against the table, his gaze fixed to the floor. She wordlessly stepped into the office, feeling the anxiety build up in her belly. She had no idea what to expect.

— Could you close it, Liesl? — Toto asked, calmly.

— Yes — she replied, pulling the door closed.

She stared at each other for a few seconds, until he lifted his hand in front of her, her panties unfurling between his fingers.

— Could you explain to me what these are?

— Those are panties, Toto.

— And where were they?

— On my body.

— And why are they in my hand and not on your body?

— Because I took them off and put them in your pocket — Elisabeth replied.

— And why did you do that, Liesl?

— Because I wanted your attention — she said, softly.

— My attention? — he rose from the table, approaching her like a predator stalking its prey.

— Yes, Toto.

— You mean… Miss Lauda wanted my attention? — he asked in a low tone.

— You were ignoring me. I had to take drastic measures — she replied, struggling to get the words out of her mouth.

He raised an eyebrow.

— Your way of getting my attention is by making me hard in front of your brother and your father, Elisabeth?

— You are exaggerating, Toto — she started to say, until he took her hand and placed it at the front of his tailored black pants, making her feel him through the fabric. Realizing he wasn’t lying, she let out a shaky breath.

— No, I’m not, Elisabeth. After you did that, I couldn’t concentrate on anything else. There was no pole position, front row lockout, and no telemetry charts that could take my mind off of you. So close to me and, at the same time, so far.

— Toto…

— You have no idea how much of my attention you have, Liesl…

— But…

— Let me show you — he brought his thumb up to her cheek — Please, let me show you how important you are to me. How you are always in my mind. How I appreciate you. How I need you.

Her heart felt like it was going to explode, it was beating so fast.

— Show me — she whispered.

A mischievous smile appeared on his lips.

— Sit on the desk, Liesl.

She obeyed his order without hesitation, pushing aside the papers and pens to make room for her to sit on the white surface, her thighs pressed together in a feeble attempt to ease the arousal building up in her body.

— Open your legs for me.

Again, Elisabeth obeyed, pulling her knees apart. As he approached her, Toto brushed his lips against hers before giving her another order.

— Lift the dress.

She lifted the fabric to her waist, exposing her pussy to him, a shiver running through her body as the cool air in the office came in contact with her wetness. The vision made Toto’s tongue flicker over his bottom lip.

— You are the most important person in my life, Elisabeth Lauda — he said as he kneeled in front of her, dipping in the space between her tights. He gave a vigorous lick between her folds, spreading her juices through her pussy. The sensation caused a strangled groan to escape her lips. She’d remembered halfway through the sensation that she couldn’t scream.

The movements of his tongue, as well as the grazing of teeth against her clit were relentless, the aching sensation of pleasure building up in her body causing the muscles in her legs to quiver, threatening to close around his head. As if he knew what her body wanted to do, Toto’s palms landed on her thighs, his fingers squeezing them tightly, keeping her still.

With one hand supporting her on the table and the other grasping at his hair, Elisabeth squeezed her eyes shut, feeling the tears welling up. Her mouth opened in a silent scream each time he sucked at her clit with a passion that could make her turn into a puddle in that very moment. 

— Yes, oh my god, yes — she murmured, as she felt his tongue at her entrance while the tip of his nose brushed lightly against her clit, just the way she desperately needed it. Pressure began to build in her abdomen, as her breathing became more and more labored. Elisabeth was fighting her own instincts to push him away from her pussy by bringing him closer.

Almost there.

She was almost there.

— Yes, yes, yes — she whispered, the feeling in her belly becoming almost painful. She needed it. She needed to know how important she was to him. Elisabeth needed a demonstration of love from Toto like she needed air to breathe.

And it was almost there.

— I’m coming — she whispered, her fingers grasping harder on his hair, her legs contracting under his palms.

Between her legs, Toto mumbled something Elisabeth didn’t understand, her focus completely on the bubble of pleasure that was about to explode.

Almost there.

Almost there.

Almost there.

Until the door opened.

— Toto, have you seen my — Mathias’ voice died mid-sentence. What he saw was too shocking for him to say anything more.

Elisabeth’s eyes snapped open, wide. Upon meeting her brother’s gaze, her impulse was to push Toto’s head away from her and close her legs, her hands lowering the bottom of her dress clumsily, fingers trembling. Then, she realized that, with her push, Toto had lost his balance and fell backwards.

— Mathias — she said with a trembling voice, the euphoria that was almost taking over her body being replaced by the terror of her brother walking in on them — It’s not what it looks like.

His expression changed from shock to disbelief as he looked between Elisabeth and Toto. She was red-faced with arousal, her hands shaking and her dress was completely wrinkled. As for Toto, his hair was disheveled from her fingers and his face was shining from her juices.

It was definitely what it looked like.

— Elisabeth, come with me — her brother said, irritation evident in his voice.

— Mathias…

— Now, Elisabeth.

She got up from the table, hesitating to trust her legs as they were so limp due to the adrenaline of the orgasm she hadn’t reached mixed with the fear she was feeling in her bloodstream. After a few seconds of steadying herself, she took slow steps toward the door, her mind still a little foggy.

— Let’s go, Elisabeth — Mathias snarled, making her flinch.

She looked at Toto, who was still panting and sitting on the floor. He looked up at her and gave her an apologetic smile. She bent down and touched his face lightly.

— Are you okay? — she whispered.

— Yes, Liesl, you’d better go — Toto replied, placing his hand on hers and giving it a light squeeze. Elisabeth got to her feet again and walked slowly out of the office, her heart thudding heavily in her chest.

She’d seen Mathias angry before, especially after races where he hadn’t performed well. But at that moment, he wasn’t angry. His face was completely red, his nostrils flaring, his breathing heavy.

Mathias was furious.

Irate.

Incandescent with rage.

He strode to a meeting room that was on the same floor as Toto’s office and opened the door, pointing into the room. His jaw was clenched. She went into the room and he closed the door behind her. Then, Mathias finally turned to her, eyes burning into her face.

— Elisabeth.

— Yes? — she asked, voice shaky.

— Could you explain to me what the fuck you were doing?

— Nothing — she replied in a thin voice.

Mathias ran a hand over his face. He was clearly beside himself.

— You’re kidding me, aren’t you?

— Mathias, it was nothing.

— Elisabeth, I’m not stupid — he replied, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

— I never said that you were, Mathias — she took a step forward, trying to defend herself.

— You must think I’m an idiot. It’s not possible that motherfucker had his mouth on your pussy and you say that it was nothing.

Elisabeth swallowed hard, looking down at her feet.

There was no point in denying it anymore.

— Since when? — her brother muttered.

— What do you mean?

— Since when are you… Doing… Him… This?

— This? — she asked, almost innocently. Her mind just couldn’t process everything that was going on, still fogged by the aborted orgasm and the adrenaline coursing through her veins.

— Fucking him, Elisabeth. Since when are you fucking Toto Wolff?

— Since October of last year — she muttered.

Mathias slapped his palm against his face.

— Are you serious? October, Elisabeth?

— Yes. Sochi — she said softly.

— Damn it, Elisabeth! — Mathias yelled — Do you have any idea what you’re doing? Do you have any idea who you’re having an affair with?

— It’s not just an affair, Mathias!

— It sure looked like an affair, or did he not have his face between your legs?

— Our relationship is serious!

— You’ve got to be kidding — he chuckled — Or crazy. Completely crazy.

— Mathias…

— Have you ever thought about how dad will react when he finds out that you’re having sex with his business partner? Worse, he said that Toto is his friend, Elisabeth!

— Mathias — she repeated.

— Dad keeps saying he has no friends, so when he decides to finally make one, you decide to have sex with him. Honestly!

— Mathias! — she yelled, silencing her brother — It’s not just sex.

— That’s not what I saw — he said dismissively.

— Toto and I are together, Mathias. It’s a serious relationship! We’ve been living together since January…

— I can’t believe it, Elisabeth — he put a hand to his face again.

— We’re together. We are a couple. I was not alone in Sardinia, he was with me. I was with him and the kids.

— You mean that…

— Benedict and Rosa know about us, and are very happy, if you must know.

Her brother put his hands on his hips.

— I don’t give a fuck about the kids, Elisabeth. You two lied to dad about your vacations in the garage. How could you be this careless?

— Mathias, we are not being careless…

— Well, if you are not being careless, if everything is so serious, if you like each other so much, why don’t you just tell our father? I bet he’d be delighted to hear that his sweet little daughter, his golden child, is fucking his friend, his only friend.

— Mathias, you know it’s not that simple…

— You should have thought about that before you started fucking him. 

— I did think about it, Mathias. I did.

— It doesn’t look like it — her brother said, turning to her and heading for the door. “No, this can’t end like this”, you thought.

— Mathias — you said, causing him to stop with his hand on the doorknob.

— What?

— Where are you going?

— I'm heading back to the garage. Someone has to stay with dad.

Panic took hold of Elisabeth. She rushed toward Mathias, gripping his arm tightly, desperation plain on her face.

— Please don’t tell dad — she said in a thin voice.

Her brother looked at her with disdain.

— Give me one good reason not to tell him I found you fucking Wolff in his office.

Elisabeth blinked, her mind desperately searching for a reason strong enough to keep Mathias silent on the subject. Until her eyes focused on the picture on the wall behind her brother. In the black and white image, a steering wheel of a Formula 1 car stood out, along with a pair of gloves and a helmet with the Mercedes star stamped on it. The memory hit her like a bullet.

— Because I didn't tell dad you went karting again even after he forbade you to go anywhere near a track.

She saw the color leave Mathias' face.

— You remember what happened, don't you? You remember I caught you putting your racing suit in your school backpack and you tried to lie to me, but I immediately understood your plans.

— Elisabeth...

— I called Lukas and we argued with you, we tried to get that idea out of your mind. But you asked us to be silent because that was your dream. And we supported you in the end. We even gave you money!

— I couldn't ask dad to pay for it, Elisabeth.

— So you asked Lukas and I to lend you our allowance so you could buy gloves, and a new jumpsuit. We even went a month without having lunch at school to help you pay for repairs on your kart.

— I wasn't doing anything wrong, Elisabeth! — he spat.

— You were risking your life without telling our parents, even after they told you not to. Do you remember what mom said when she found out you were racing again and that Lukas and I were covering for you? — she asked him. Noticing that Mathias was rolling his eyes, she kept going — It's no use rolling your eyes, you know that we have you covered for you to continue your adventure. You have no idea how many times we had to say that you had gone to do some homework with a classmate after school for them to not discover your secret.

— I just asked you to not tell them, you lied because you wanted to!

— And what do you want us to say to justify the fact that you're just not in school? That you walked home? That you just didn't want a ride? We had no choice, you idiot!

— But they eventually found out, didn't they? And I was grounded without being able to race. You and Lukas didn't suffer any consequences…

Elisabeth gave an incredulous laugh.

— They grounded both of us for helping you. I went months without receiving my allowance because of it. And now that you have the chance to repay me, you want to act like you have some sort of moral high ground? 

— It's not a question of having the moral high ground, the question is that the right thing is to talk to him.

— It was also right for you to ask our father to be a driver and you didn't!

— I was a teenager, you are an adult woman. You know the weight of your actions, I didn't.

— Didn't you know you could die, Mathias? That you could get hurt?

He stayed in silence for a few seconds.

— I did…

— So you knew the weight of your actions too.

— But I wasn't fucking my dad's friend.

— And I'm not risking my life doing that! — Elisabeth exploded — It’s my life, not yours. It’s my choice, not yours. It’s my relationship, not yours. So, you better keep your mouth shut just like I did when you decided to risk your life in a race track again or we will have problems.

— Do you think I’m afraid of you, Elisabeth?

— No, I don’t. But you should be, considering I am the one who manages your sponsors.

Mathias sighed. The idea of losing the sponsors of his racing career would certainly compel him to silence.

— Then you need to tell him yourself — he finally said, after some seconds of silence — But you need to know that dad trusts you, Elisabeth. And, like it or not, you’ve already let him down.

Then, her brother opened the meeting room door and left her alone in the room, tears welling up in her eyes.

“You’ve already let him down”, a voice said in Elisabeth’s head.

[landinoandco]

Mick Schumacher x reader

A timely confession

Request from @gpiggy98

Warnings: fluff:)

Word count: 1.8 k

Rating: Teen and up

When Guenther had announced that Mick Schumacher was going to be joining the team - the whole of Haas were ecstatic. There were many ways to describe him, his kind and nurturing nature, his dedication to any job he sets out to do and his gentle manner that could put anyone at ease. As gutted as you were to not be Romain’s assistant going into the 2021 season, getting Mick was definitely going to make up for it. The day you were scheduled to meet him, to go over the pre-season press plan - you were excited to show him around, introduce him to the team and talk about the new challenges you were going to be facing together. What you hadn’t expected was the inability to form a proper sentence whenever he came near you - which, as his assistant proved to be less than practical. 

“Hey, it’s lovely to meet you.” Mick had said when Guenther had introduced you that day. 

“I - uh - likewise. I’m really looking forward to working with you this year.” You had stuttered. Never in your career before had you stuttered when introducing yourself - a pink flush creeped up your neck betraying you completely. Fortunately for your sake, Mick smiled innocently and shook your hand, when he clasped your hand in his you couldn’t help but feel your heart flutter. 

Guenther watched on in amusement, obviously thoroughly enjoying the experience of you making a fool out of yourself. 

After the tour - in which you had tripped over your words a fair few times - you said your goodbyes and trudged angrily up to Guenther’s office. Slouching on the chair in front of your desk, you sighed loudly. “What a day.” You uttered, pinching the bridge of your nose with your thumb and forefinger. 

“How did it go?” Guenther asked, passing you a glass of water. 

“I kept tripping over my words, to be completely honest with you it was slightly traumatic.” You replied honestly, taking the glass gratefully and taking a sip. 

“You get the chance to work with Mick and you call it slightly traumatic?” Guenther mocked, the corner of his lips turning up. 

“Tomorrow’s a new day - maybe I’m coming down with something.” You wiped your forehead in anguish. 

As it turns out you were coming down with something but unfortunately it wasn’t really something that could be cured in a matter of days. You finally worked out what was wrong when Mick had asked you to grab a little bit of lunch with him before the first race in Bahrain. You had to keep reminding yourself that it wasn’t a date, it was for work and only work. 

It was a well known fact that Mick was a heartthrob, a real life Prince Charming who drives cars for a living. His crystal blue eyes were seemingly easy to get lost in - perhaps that was half your issue. The way he was so softly spoken, lulled you into a trance. His mannerisms resembled that of a golden retriever pup and after that you realised - you were falling for Mick Schumacher. 

You were sitting in a terraced cafe, looking over the city landscape near to where the track was. Picking on chips, as Mick asked about your career up to this point. 

“What made you want to become an assistant?” He asked, passing you the plate of chips. 

You picked one up and waved it at him, “I’ve always been in love with the sport and what better way to experience it first hand than work with the drivers. I could never have been one so join them, I suppose.” 

“Did you ever race as a child then?” He asked, leaning onto his elbows, a lopsided grin plastered onto his face. 

“I did for a while.” You nodded and took a bite of your chip. 

“Maybe, during the summer break, we should go go-karting. Show me some of the good tracks in the UK.” He declared, completely oblivious to the effect it had on you. The familiar pink tinge that had gotten too used to creeping up onto your neck, the corner of your eyes crinkled as you gazed into his eyes. 

“I would really like that.” You stayed transfixed, gazing longingly at him. If only he knew how you truly felt or even better - if he felt the same way. You knew he never could, at the end of the day he had been given an opportunity to drive in formula one and you knew he wasn’t going to let a girl he worked with distract him from that. 

You cleared your throat and tore your eyes away from him - as much as it pained you - and stood up but as you turned back around, you realised that he was still watching you, his eyes glinted and the corner of his mouth quirked up. 

“I suppose we should think about getting you back, wouldn’t want them thinking you’ve gotten lost.” You said, forcing a smile onto your face. 

A few weeks later and it was time for the race in Imola, the rain was pouring down and the team’s strategists had re-grouped to come up with a strategy to fit in with the weather. Unlike for people at home, watching a wet race as part of a team was never enjoyable - the tensions thick throughout the race. Over the few weeks that you had been working with Mick, your feelings only grew stronger but since the season was well underway you found yourself spending more and more time with him. It was an impossible situation that you wished upon nobody. 

You had never been good with nerves and that was clear as you paced up and down his room. 

“Liebe.” It was his new nickname for you. “Why are you so stressed. When you start stressing, so do I and do you really want me to-” You stopped pacing and sat next to him, he placed his hand on your shoulder in an attempt to calm you. If anything it made you worse. 

“I know, I’m sorry Mick.” You exhaled shakily and looked around the room. You had seen a fair few wet races in your time and not all of them had ended nicely, in fact the majority of the time someone ended up in the wall. “Racing in the rain always makes me nervous.” You looked down at your lap, toying with your fingers. You looked at him desperately, “Just promise me you will be careful.” 

“Damn,” He whispered, “You know I was really considering driving off the track today. A little off-roading never hurt anyone.” He laughed at your horrified expression. “I’m only teasing, Liebe. You know I will be careful. Extra careful so I won’t get a telling off from you - or Guenther.” You allowed yourself to chuckle slightly, he nudged his knee with yours and tried to catch your eye but you deliberately avoided it, nibbling on your lip and furrowing your eyebrows. 

He placed his finger under your chin and lifted it to meet his gaze then placing his hand either side of your face. Breath hitching in your throat and your heart having an absolute field day, you blushed profusely, once again unable to look away from his intense gaze. 

“What’s on your mind?” He asked,  you could feel his breath fanning across your face. You shut your eyes, hands clammy and you didn’t know whether you could trust your voice. 

“I care about you.” You managed to stutter, your eyes still closed. At least this way, you couldn’t see his expression when he realised. 

“I care about you, Liebe, but you already know this-” He began carelessly. 

“No, Mick.” You opened your eyes, his brows knitted. “I care about you more than I should.” Your tone was hushed, his eyes flickered with realisation, his mouth curved into a beaming grin. He moved his face so your lips were only a tantalizing distance from each other, “Why didn’t you say so sooner.” His lips brushed yours as he spoke and when you didn’t answer he closed the distance. Capturing your lips with his, it was like two puzzle pieces had been put together. 

There was a knock at the door and the pair of you jumped apart - a voice called out: “Mick it’s time to head to the track.”

Reluctantly he got up, brushing down his race suit and held out his hand to help you up - instead of letting go once you got to your feet, he proceeded to pull you into his chest. “We shall talk about this after the race, Liebe.” He kissed the tip of your nose and walked out the door, leaving you lost for words behind him. You could still feel the ghost of his lips on yours, relishing in the events of a couple of moments ago - playing it over and over again in your head. 

It was a tense 2 hours in the Haas garage - the race far from lacking action; with Latifi crashing into the wall on lap one then on lap four Mick losing the backend of his car whilst under the safety car and crashing into the exit of the pitlane. Fortunately with a new front wing he was able to carry on and finished the race 16th. They weren’t the only two to crash as Bottas and Russel came together - even Hamilton ran off the road. Imola was proving to be savage in the rain. 

As soon as Mick crossed the finishing line, the whole garage relaxed, hugging and cheering. He had matched his result from Bahrain and managed to finish in front of Nikita. As far as Haas was concerned - it was a successful day. As his assistant you were to meet him at Parc fermé to take him to his weigh-in and post-race interviews. As soon as he saw you he took his helmet off and wrapped you into his arms, your feet coming off of the floor. You giggled and placed your hands either side of his face. 

“I was as careful as I could be.” He assured, a smirk toying at the corner of his lips. You shook your head at him, your mouth curved into a wide smile. 

“You did a good job.” You said to him, he wrapped his arms around your waist - pulling you closer into him. Then he dipped his face and connected your lips, rain falling around you. It was atmospheric and cheesy all at the same time.

There were wolf-whistles and cheers around you, as passing drivers walked by. You pulled your face away, both of your cheeks resembled tomatoes but it didn’t really matter. You knew you could never be happier with Mick by your side.

They say home is where the heart is and as long as you were with Mick - you were home.

[generallybarzy]

If You'll Have Me Forever.

an: this is the little fic i decided to write based on a dream i had. I wrote it all in one day while I was at my grandparent's house with no internet or computer, so i wrote it all in my notebook and then typed it up on here haha.

warnings: unedited, mentions of past emotional trauma and unhealthy families

word count: 1.7k

You always loved spending time with Mat's family. Whenever there was a break in the season, you two quickly found yourselves on a plane out to Vancouver, holding hands in the airplane and in the car on the way to his parent's house.

It had been like this since your first summer with them. Mat had invited you home with him for part of the offseason, and although you'd only been dating almost a year and were still nervous to meet his family, you couldn't say no. His family had welcomed you warmly, in fact, warm may not even be good enough to describe it. His parents smiled as soon as they saw you- saw you holding their son's hand, saw him smile proudly as he finally introduced you to them as his girlfriend.

Then, they hugged you.

You hadn't come from a loving family, not one where you openly told each other "I love you" or "I'm proud of you", and certainly not one that hugged and had family game nights. After much discussion with Mat and with your therapist, you came to the conclusion that your family had been borderline emotionally neglectful, and you saw how your childhood had scarred you. Mat's family was so openly affectionate and loving towards you right off the bat that it overwhelmed you, to the point of you going upstairs and refusing to come down until Mat had a talk with you. He was understanding, gently told them to be a little more reserved, and helped to slowly ease you into their love. And that just made you love him even more.

Now, it was your first holiday season with them. After spending a good chunk of last summer in Vancouver, you were certainly excited to spend a few days of your winter here with them rather than in your empty little apartment. You and Mat had flown out the night before, and arrived early in the morning, grateful that the team had managed a few extra days off this season- just enough days to make a trip worth it. The whole day had been spent talking and laughing and just catching up with his family about the past year- how things were going with your studies, with your job, how Mat’s season was going, and how your relationship was going. Later in the evening, after a long round of some board game they’d pulled from the closet, the jet lag and overwhelming, unfamiliar feeling of familial love caught up to you. So, in the middle of preparing some snacks to munch on during the next round of the game, you faked a phone call and quickly excused yourself to the snowy back patio, slipping into your coat and snow boots on the way and disappearing out the door.

Mat had been keeping a close eye on you all night.

He knew how you got about affection, you were even still a little shy receiving love from him, and the last thing he wanted to do was let him or his family overwhelm you again. He had gone to talk with his dad for five minutes- about a topic that had him immediately searching for you to go hide away and get some much needed alone time- and when he came back to the living room, you weren’t where he left you with his mom and sister.

“Where’s (Y/N)?”

“Oh,” his mom looked up from preparing the food. “She stepped out back to take a phone call.”

“Yeah?” Mat snuck over to the backdoor, squinting out into the snow and spotting your figure, no phone in sight. He slipped on a pair of shoes and grabbed his jacket from next to the door. “I think the jetlag might be stting in. I’ll be right back.”

He stepped out onto the back patio, the snow crunching beneath his fluffy slippers. You didn’t even turn when you heard the door close behind him, and that’s how he knew something was wrong.

“Baby… what are you doing out in the cold?” He came up next to you, curling an arm over your shoulders. “Were they too much? Should I tell them to back off a bit?” Finally, you turned to face him. Your eyes were wet and red, but you had a soft little smile on your face. “Aw, baby.”

“I love them so much, Mat.”

“C’mere.” He pulled you against his chest, rubbing his hands up and down your cold arms. You curled your arms around his waist, snuggling in under his winter jacket. “Babe, you should be wearing something heavier out here. I don’t want you getting sick.” Still, you stayed where you were, tucked into his jacket with him and hiding away from the snow and the world. “I’m glad you love my family so much. I hope you can tell they love you too. And if they’re too much, I’ll tell them, okay?”

“I know.”

“Just let me know. I know how you get uncomfortable when you receive this much love, but I hope you know you deserve it, okay? You’re absolutely amazing.” At his words, you lifted your face from the comfort of his chest, eyes red and face hot, streaked with tears. Snowflakes melted on impact, and Mat’s thumb brushed away the wetness. “Please don’t cry, baby.”

“I’m just… so overwhelmed. In the best way possible, I promise.”

“That’s good.”

“And I’m getting sleepy.”

“Jetlag finally catching up to you?” You nodded, burrowing back into the warmth of his jacket. He smiled, squeezing you against him. “Let’s go to bed, yeah, sweetheart?”

“Nooooo, I just wanna stay like this.”

“Okay, okay.” He smiled and lifted his hands in mock surrender. “We’ll stay out here for a little, but we gotta go in when you get cold.” Mat knew the reason you didn’t want to go back inside yet. One, because you didn’t want to cry in front of his family, but also because after spending the whole day with them, you were starved of sweet, gentle moments like this, alone with Mat. He knew you loved his family, but God, how you loved him. You’d been holding back all your hugs and kisses today, keeping low on the PDA in front of his family, and you’d gotten needy. He pulled out his phone and sent a quick text to his parents, saying the two of you were gonna be done for the night and wanted a little alone time, and he knew they’d understand and head to bed. The snow was picking up now, so Mat put his phone back in his pocket and pulled you with him against the wall of the house, your arms tucked under his fuzzy coat and holding tight around his waist, watching the snow fall and enjoying the comforting silence of the world.

“Do you know how much people love you?”

“Mat…” You smiled and hid your face shyly.

“No, do you know? Everyone who meets you falls a little bit in love with you. Everyone. You just have this… this loveable nature to you/ You’re the sweetest, kindest, most amazing person I know.” You didn’t respond, but Mat saw the smile on your face and felt the way your arms squeezed around his torso. “Remember how earlier, I was talking to my dad? You know what he was saying? He said ‘the way you look at (Y/N), that’s how I looked at your mom’. And how he still does.” That got your attention, and you lifted your face to look at him, at the pretty, genuine love in his dark eyes. “Hey, there’s that pretty face!” Your hands slid further up his back, and you perched up on your tiptoes, reaching up for a soft kiss that Mat gladly met you halfway for. “I’m serious when I say I love you, okay?”

“I know.”

“I get that you didn’t have the best relationship with your family, and they weren’t the healthiest, especially when it came to showing these types of emotions, but I’m gonna make sure you get used to it. Cause you’re gonna be in my life for a long, long time.”

“Forever?”

“If you’ll have me forever.”

Everything went silent, save for the soft falling of snow, at that whispered promise. The tears filled your eyes again, just so, so happy that you had someone like Mat in your life, and that he was so understanding and patient with you.

“If you’ll have me forever, my family would be more than happy to call you one of us. You could spend all your birthdays, holidays, and celebrations here, and they’d love you. I’d love you. I do. You’d never feel unloved again, if you’ll have me forever.”

“Mat are... Are you proposing?”

He shook his head quickly. “No. Not yet, not officially. Just take this as a… warning.”

You laughed a little bit. “A warning, Mat?”

“No, ugh… um, how about a promise. Yeah, a promise. A promise that if you’ll have me forever, I’ll do nothing but show you how damn loveable you are. I know I can’t erase the years of pain… God, or the trauma that your family put you through, but I promise you I’m gonna try my hardest. You deserve so much better than what they’d given to you, and I’ll give that to you.” Mat saw the tears in your eyes and swooped down to kiss your cheeks repeatedly. “I’m sorry. Didn’t mean to make you cry, baby.” He could say so, so much more, but he wanted to take care of you first. “Enough of my sappy rambling, yeah? My toes are freezing. Can we go in?” He saw you glance down at his feet and immediately started giggling.

“Nice slippers, grandpa.”

“They’re cozy.” He grinned, happy to see you smiling again. He had grabbed his dad’s shoes to come out, knowing you found his silly dad-fashion funny. “Now, let’s get to bed, sleepyhead.” He pulled you back into the warm, quiet house and led the way up to his bedroom, happy to finally have some time to just cuddle up under the blankets along with you. But as you fell asleep, tucked safely in his arms with a content, peaceful smile, he could fall asleep along with you. Instead, he lay there, watching you for hours, his thoughts filled with his dad’s words from earlier and quietly, secretly, he was writing long lines of phrases he wanted to say to you, phrases that would one day become part of his proposal.

I promise I’ll keep you safe, I promise I’ll keep you smiling and loved... if you’ll have me forever.

[imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl]

Part 03 of 03

Pairing: Billy Hargrove X Reader

Word count: 2 K

Summary: You meet Billy during summer, and the deal was to have a good time before the season is over, before you go back home. But what if the only thing you're scared of - love - starts to flourish?

<- Previous part (02)

A/N: I wanna thank my amazing friend, @multific, for all the help she gave me while writing this story. Make sure to check her work!!

A/N²: This chapter was inspired on the the song Cruel Summer by Taylor Swift.

{Stranger Things Masterlist}

{Dacre Montgomery Masterlist}

×

Cruel Summer

Tomorrow this time, you'll be in a plane, flying away from California. Away from him.

Billy was supposed to be just a fling, someone to hang around and have a good time with. Looking out the window, you recognize the familiar Camaro even in the darkness. Bily is so much more. You didn't want to fall, but what could you do? He was like a fever dream in the quiet of the night, and you caught it. The perfect bad boy should be just a new shiny toy with a price.

But he's so much more. He's killing you slowly, down there standing next to his car, out the window, always waiting below. Biting your lip, you catch his eyes, the wink he send your way making you smile. Taking a deep breath, and with the usual burning sensation in your stomach, you push the window open, using the ladder you placed next to it to climb down.

It's always like this. You come back home, just to sneak out again. Devils roll the dice, angel roll their eyes, and there you go, for another night in his arms.

“Come! Come!” He suddenly whisper-yells, and you increase your pace as he does the same, going to the driver's seat.

“(Y/N)!” You hear your father's thunder voice, and it makes you rush inside the car, pulling the door close. “What the hell do you think you're going with this lowlife?”

“Drive!” You tell him, but you're still speaking when he speeds away, a laugh escaping your lips. Looking back, you see your father taking a few steps forward, gesturing and yelling something you can't hear.

“He's gonna be mad,” Billy warns you.

“What doesn't kill me makes me want you more.” You tell him winking with a bright smile, the adrenaline making you breathe fast. “Where are we going?”

“I wanna show you a special place.” He gives you a look, and you don't quite understand.

“Why is it special, Billy?” For some reason, your voice comes out a little weak, as you try to push back the only thing that's in your head.

The sirens, the warning signs you've been ignoring until now.

This is the last day.

This is the last time you'll get to see Billy. Touch him. Kiss him.

You shouldn't feel like this. It was obvious you'd end up missing him, like you'll miss Heloise, Nathan, Mike, all the friends you made here. But this is different.

Love wasn't the point here. Love was the only thing that couldn't happen. Not like this, not when you'll have to leave. But summer is a knife, and it cuts to the bone.

“(Y/N)?”

“Huh?” You mutter, looking through the window and wiping the tears away. You didn't even notice you were crying.

“Hey.” He touches your thigh, but you can't look at him. “Why are you crying? Wasn't it good? The time we spent together?”

“Of course.” You're quick to admit. The time you're spent with Billy was amazing. And for that same reason, you feel your heart breaking. It feels like you can't breathe, like there's a weight on your chest, pressing your lungs. You're bleeding, but he will be the last to know. “You gave me exactly what I wanted. We had a nice time, no strings attached and-” Clearing your throat, you take a deep breath. “-and I will certainly miss you.”

“I will miss you too. Very much.”

“Yeah. But you'll find some other girl and then, well, you'll be just fine.” Pushing his hand away, you keep looking away. “And so will I.” That's not true. That's very far from the truth. He stops the car, and by what you can see from the surroundings, it's a cliff. You can hear the waves crashing down there, violently, as the night takes over, the last traces of the day vanishing.

“(Y/N), please, don't do this. It's our last day together.” There's something in his voice too. Sadness? Maybe. He's probably a little touched by your state. “Talk to me. Tomorrow morning I'll leave you one block away from your house and I'll have to watch you walk away for the last time.” He steps out of the car, pushing the door quite violently.

Gasping, you bite your lip. This isn't how it was supposed to be. Today was supposed to be amazing. Now it's ruined, because of you. Maybe you should've kept your mouth shut, to have him for one last time, all smirks and laughter. But you don't want to keep secrets just to keep him. Holding your breath, the anger, mixed with way too many feelings to describe, you get out as well, pushing the door close just as violently as he did. “What do you want me to say?” You suddenly yell, many tears rolling down this time. There's no way to hide it now, you're crying like a baby. “That I snuck through the garden gate every night this summer to seal my fate?” Walking over him, you keep your hair away from your face when the wind pushes it against you.

“Only yours?” He snaps back, furrowing his eyebrows. “Stop acting like you're the only one suffering.”

“Oh, yeah.” Throwing a hand in the air, you pace around, running a hand through your hair. “You just had a good time, Billy. But I? I got used to the shape of your body. You're eyes, blue. So damn blue, Billy. How am I ever going to look at the ocean again without thinking of you?” The words just flow out, and you're seeing everything blurry, a lump in your throat making it hard to keep your voice straight. “And I told myself this is cool. That we have no rules in our personal, breakable heaven, bound to break apart. With a goddamn expiration date.”

“You–”

“It was amazing, yes. It was freaking amazing, but it has been a cruel summer with you, Billy Hargrove.” Cutting him off, you move to stand right in front of him, looking up into those eyes you'll never forget, letting him see your tear-stained face. “I love you.” You scream for whatever it's worth, the one sentence that has been terrifying you. But it doesn't matter. You're leaving anyway, it won't change anything. Then you step back, look down and once again wipe the tears away. Breathing a little, trying to calm yourself down. “Ain't that the worst you ever heard?” This last part comes out a whisper, barely heard above the wind.

“Definitely.” He mumbles, and when you look up, he's grinning.

“What–” You're cut short by a sudden motion, when he wraps an arm around your waist and pulls you against his chest, placing a kiss on your lips.

It tastes salty from all your tears, but you don't care. You just throw your arms around his neck and deepen the kiss, holding him. Because that's the last time you'll do it.

He only pulls away when the air is short, but he keeps you close, secure in his embrace. “Billy, I–”

“Don't go.” He whispers, his chest vibrating. “Please.”

Shaking your head, you pull away, just enough to look up at him again. “You know I can't, Billy.”

“Why?” With a hand on your face, you can understand what's in his eyes now. Desperation, fear... And love. It makes you furrow your eyebrows, wondering if this could really be. If Billy Hargrove could have fallen for you. “You don't like living with your father, you don't like living with your mother. You don't wanna be a lawyer. Stay here, with me. Take that photography course and you'll have lots of jobs. This place is bursting with tourists, and you'd make enough money to get your life started.”

Everything he says makes you cry again. But this time, it's because you're imagining it. Living in California, building an actual home, doing something you love. It's paradise. “I-it's a lot of work, Billy. I-I'd have to pay rent and–”

“I'm asking you to move in with me.” He says with a giggle, his forehead touching yours. “I fell in love with you during summer... And all summers end, but I don't want us to end. I tried so hard not to because I knew you'd leave, but... It happened. You stole my heart and I can't lose you. I don't know if someone can die from a lost love but I don't wanna find out.” Billy speaks his heart, and you're holding his shirt, like holding on to dear life. “You can leave and go on with an unhappy life, forever scared of love. Or you can stay with me, and let me show you what love truly is. It's real, and we've been living it.”

“Billy...” You beg, closing your eyes, your own heart claiming, begging, pleading for him.

“We're not going to make your parent's mistakes. We'll make it right, you and I. Please, (Y/N).” With a finger under your chin, Billy makes you look at him, so you open your eyes. “Don't leave me. Don't throw away a chance of happiness for a miserable life.”

He's right. Billy is so damn right, and having this, knowing this, that he wants you, that he loves you, you know you can't do it. You can't go back. Not when you can stay with the man you love, who loves you, in the city you also fell in love with. “All my stuff is packed up.” You mutter, chuckling lightly. “We just need to go get it.”

“Are you for real?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you going to stay?”

“Yeah!” You jump on him, legs wrapping around his waist. Billy is quick to hold you up, his lips crashing on yours.

And it's perfect. The wind, the waves, the view of the city down there. And Billy, kissing you, holding you. You wouldn't change a thing about it.

Soon enough you're back home, and it's a mess. As you run upstairs with Billy to get your things, your father says that if you do this, you'll be dead to him. But you don't even answer. The only thing you do is hug your stepmother, and whisper in her ear the name of the lover your father had here, and advise her to divorce him. Then, you're out.

On the next day, in the evening, you're not in a plane with your heart broken, flying away. You're in Billy's arms, watching an awful movie that only makes you laugh. Summer is almost over, but other summers will come. And you want to have Billy for all the seasons.

“Billy.”

“Yes, princess?” He asks, placing a kiss on your shoulder. You're the little spoon on usual, your back pressed against his chest.

“I think it's gonna rain later today.”

“...Alright?” He chuckles, and so do you at his confusion. “And what about that?”

“I wanna you to kiss me in the rain.” The mention of the cliche makes you blush, but since you're looking away, he won't notice.

“I'm down for it, but...” Billy makes you turn around, thumb and index finger under your chin. “...Only in the rain?”

“When it rains. When it's sunny.” Turning your body completely towards his, you wrap your arms around his neck. “During the day, and during the night. On every season.”

“Mmm... Sounds like the perfect idea.” And once again, he kisses you. And as it is every time, you feel that familiar, delicious burning sensation in your stomach.

You're his, and he is yours. Love is real, and this summer was the best summer of your life. Until now, because you're sure the next ones will be far better.

×

@rebelemilu

[ilovejevsjeans]

How Olympian race engineer Tom Stallard helped coach Daniel Ricciardo to Monza victory

Daniel Ricciardo and the ever-improving McLaren team were seen as a match made in Heaven ahead of the start of the 2021 season. But while it all came good at the Italian Grand Prix, Ricciardo’s win at Monza was a product of hours and hours of unseen work, and some confidence-shaking moments along the way. F1 Staff Writer Greg Stuart sat down with Tom Stallard, the man who’s race engineered Ricciardo throughout 2021, to trace the arc of that breakthrough Monza win.

You could make a strong case that Lap 52 of the Monaco Grand Prix marked the nadir in Daniel Ricciardo’s first season with McLaren. As the Australian exited Sainte Devote and accelerated up the hill, he dutifully jinked left to allow team mate Lando Norris to lap him, Norris acknowledging the gesture with a wave from his cockpit. Norris would go on to finish third. Ricciardo, who’d brilliantly won in Monaco just three years earlier for Red Bull, finished out of the points in 12th.

That was May – and yet just four months later, Ricciardo had taken McLaren back to the winner’s circle for the first time since 2012, capping off a superb Italian Grand Prix weekend with an emotional victory at Monza, and leading Norris home in a McLaren one-two.

How did that happen? Ricciardo’s race engineer Tom Stallard has been the man F1 fans have heard soothing and chivvying Ricciardo over team radio this year, a year in which success has been harder to come by than many had anticipated – and he was naturally delighted when Ricciardo combined all his learnings to take the assured win in Monza, his first victory since that 2018 Monaco triumph.

“I was super proud,” Stallard tells me as we chat in the paddock in Sochi, “because we've worked really hard this year to be honest, and it was nice to see him executing everything that we'd talked about and worked on.

“Obviously he did a fantastic job, but he actually did the job that we'd been talking about and working on together. He's a top driver, obviously, joined our team as a top driver, but we’ve actually had to work at it quite hard and in Monza, he really executed that.”

Why didn’t Ricciardo and McLaren gel immediately? Ricciardo’s stellar second half of 2020 with Renault – during which he took two podiums and finished every race in the points – combined with McLaren’s sharp upward trajectory and the arrival of Mercedes power units at the team for 2021, meant that many earmarked the Ricciardo/McLaren combination as a potential surprise package this season.

But despite claiming points in his first four races for the team – including convincingly leading Norris home in Barcelona – right from the off, Stallard says, there were issues.

“I think the Bahrain race [where Ricciardo finished P7 to Norris’ P4 on his McLaren debut] he did quite well, but that was with a lot of time in the car in the [Bahrain] test – I mean, not a lot of time but a bit of time at the test, and a circuit that suits him well,” says Stallard.

“And then at Imola [where Ricciardo finished P6 as Norris claimed a podium in P3] we kind of exposed the problems, if you like, that he was having with the car, and we understood the struggle that we would have.”

As you might expect from an engineer of Stallard’s experience (he joined McLaren back in 2008) his first reaction to the situation wasn’t to panic, but to put in place processes to help bring Ricciardo on.

“We put in place a plan of what we needed to do differently and how we needed to react. And since then actually, we've been on an upward trajectory from that point, but you don't always necessarily see that from the outside.

“There have been a number of races where after the race, he's been frustrated and I've been reassuring him that actually we are seeing progress, and we don't have the good results yet but they're coming.”

So what was it about the MCL35M that wasn’t suiting Ricciardo and his driving style?

“Ultimately,” says Stallard, “all the drivers would choose the same thing, which is very good rear stability, and front end that increases as you add steer. That is totally universal, but the truth is that having a car that does that is the Holy Grail of Formula 1 design; every team up and down this paddock is trying to do that, and succeeding to a greater or lesser extent.

“We have a car that understeers and that's been something that he's had to adapt to and modify his natural approach to get the best out of.”

One thing Stallard is at pains to point out is that, for all of Ricciardo’s famously insouciant manner, beneath the gigawatt smile there lurks one of the world’s top racing drivers, with a work ethic to match.

“Obviously Daniel seems like the most laidback guy in the world,” says Stallard, “but behind the scenes, under the water, the duck feet are going quite quickly.

“Because we were in lockdown and he was in Los Angeles [over the winter break], we did most of his initial integration virtually, and during that phase, he learnt all the switches, what all the toys do, how to use the steering wheel.

"We spent a lot of time talking through the strategy with Daren [Stanley], our strategist. And actually all the communication side, all of the switches, all the controls, he had completely down by the time he went to winter testing.

“He's been in the factory loads, doing the simulator, partly working on his driving with that, but also giving feedback to the team about what he wants from the car,” adds Stallard.

“And at no point during the phase where he was getting up to speed with our package did he question that there was any kind of, the team backing the other driver, or the engineers didn't know what they were doing, or the car was set-up wrong. He just knuckled down, got on with the work, and I think that the whole team has a lot of respect for him for that.”

Ricciardo endured an up-and-down run of form leading up to the summer break, the lows including a tough Styrian Grand Prix where he finished 13th to Norris’ fifth and a Hungarian Grand Prix where first lap contact with Charles Leclerc hobbled his McLaren, leaving him 11th at the flag.

But Ricciardo appeared rejuvenated after the summer break, nailing his best qualifying of the year at that point with P4 on the grid in Belgium – while after a race to forget for the whole McLaren team in Zandvoort, Ricciardo then put together what would ultimately be his winning weekend in Monza, qualifying P5 on Friday, racing to P3 in Saturday’s F1 Sprint before claiming that sensational victory in the race.

Indeed, it was Ricciardo’s anger at qualifying P5 on Friday at Monza (and just 0.006s off his team mate) that seemed to indicate that a change had come in the Australian’s expectations of the level he should be performing at – with Stallard noting the key difference in Ricciardo since the summer…

“I think the ‘frustration at being P5’ thing was there all along,” says Stallard. “For me, the difference with the break is that it helped him not overthink it, so he's adapted better to the way you have to drive our car without it being completely conscious every corner, what you need to do.

Daniel's easy to work with, because if you give him a problem to solve, he goes away and works at it, so the work ethic's always been good, which makes life easy,” adds Stallard. “He doesn't defer responsibility away from himself; he takes a lot on the chin, which means some of what I've had to do is keeping him, let's say, up, because he's taken a lot of responsibility for things himself.

“But from my side, that means he's great to work with, and that collaboration is very strong. And when we got to Monza, we both had a lot of confidence in each other, so that made the result in Monza feel very natural.”

Going forward

Ricciardo leading McLaren to their first victory since Jenson Button’s 2012 Brazilian Grand Prix triumph, and their first one-two since the 2010 Canadian Grand Prix, was a fantastic moment for all at McLaren, and one that was warmly welcomed by most in the F1 paddock.

But Stallard was under no illusions during our chat in Sochi that Ricciardo is still on a journey to being fully comfortable in McLaren’s MCL35M car this season – a point Ricciardo would then back up himself a few days later when, despite finishing P4 in the Russian Grand Prix, he admitted that “there is still some stuff missing”.

“In Monza, the circuit and our technical package aligned well,” says Stallard, “and actually last year we came second there, so it's a circuit that suits our car and obviously Daniel did a very good job putting it all together, and the strategy was correct.

“He now understands how to drive the car; I think he's felt that himself rather than it just being explained to him, which means we have made another step. But it's a much more linear process than it appears from the outside.”

What Ricciardo does have in his corner, meanwhile – apart from the work ethic and talent that have made him an eight-time Grand Prix winner – is a race engineer in Stallard who has been an elite athlete himself, forming part of Great Britain’s silver medal-winning men’s eight rowing crew at the 2008 Beijing Olympics.

And Stallard believes that his own experience as an athlete can help get the best out of Ricciardo, who signed to McLaren on a three-year deal that will take him into Formula 1’s bold new era of regulations with the team.

“In this sport, 20 years ago, the race engineers were very much engineers,” says Stallard. “But now we are coaches, and so we're using the data to guide the drivers in how to get the best out of the car.

“So I see myself now as a coach and I have a lot of experience of being coached, whereas a lot of the other race engineers… don't necessarily have the same experience of being coached. And I think that does give me an insight in terms of the struggles that people have when being coached, especially in a sport where on the way up, drivers often aren't coached that much and it gives me a good ability to manage the pressure and stay calm in what would be a pressured situation as well.

“And I also think that on any journey, although I describe it as a linear process, there's still ups and downs, and there'll be events in the future that are more difficult and that we'll have to respond to and react to. It would be naive to think it's plain sailing from here – but I think that it's a good next step.”(X)

[che-chennya]

Malleus as a fellow player of Tomodachi Life is preparing Malleus-Mii to confess his feelings for Y/N-Mii, what would it be the worst that could happen?

Tagging @wolken-himmel​ and @infra-jaded​ because from the first one, I got inspirated by her writing and the second one was the one who proposed the original idea. 

Blame me if you find it hilarious, but I had to. 

The moment had come. Malleus knew as his saw in his borrowed Nintendo 3DS saw a heart icon on the apartment of Malleus-Mii, apparently his Mii was in love with someone, mostly because it seemed like that. He touched the screen with his DS pencil and enter. Suddenly, his mini representation seems to have a problem, but there was no problem that Malleus, the creator of Gao Gao Island, couldn’t solve. So, he touched again the screen to know what exactly to do.

“I have felling for Y/N. I’ve got to tell Y/N”

— How scandalous — Malleus thought as he turned a little bit red, it seems that Malleus-Mii was a loyal representation of himself in that game. He tapped the option “I’ll help you” since he’ll support his Mii to have the courage to confess to his beloved Y/N.

“How should I tell Y/N?”

Seeing the options of how he could act to court Y/N. There were some of them which called his attention: Be traditional, be romantic, give a gift, sing a song, and others. It was time to think carefully which it would be the best option among them to Malleus-Mii court Y/N-Mii. Of course, he could serenade Y/N with a violin, but for the moment he only saw a guitar, and he didn’t even know if we could use it during the confession, so singing wasn’t an option. Giving a gift could’ve been a great option, but he wouldn’t be able to express all his feelings for Y/N if he didn’t have the right item in the game. Then, he decided to not pick that choice. Now, Malleus surely understand Malleus Mii in the game, it was a tough moment that would cause anyone to be, at least, slightly nervous. Then the traditional way or the romantic one was the final dispute at this moment. From these two options, he selected the traditional way, because he strongly believed Malleus-Mii wouldn’t dare to act out of his imagination. So, he proceeded to continue after thinking hard.

“Where should I tell Y/N?”

This was another question that could have been tricky, but he had already an idea. The season in Gao Gao Island was in summer, so maybe he could take advantage of the environment to confess. Even though the park was also a good place to tell his true feelings, he preferred the beach. After putting his mind on it, he tapped the screen again.

“Should I get changed first?”

Checking his Mii clothes, he couldn’t say he didn’t look appropriate to confess. Well, at least his Mii, because the real Malleus was playing in his pyjamas. Asking some advice might be the proper thing to do, but he heard from Silver that Lilia was participating in an event in his online game, and he didn’t want to interrupt his game session for this matter. So, when he went change in his dorm clothes with magic, he asked Sebek. However, his answer wasn’t that helpful at first.

— YOU WILL LOOK GREAT IN ANY COLOR CLOTHES WAKA-SAMA — he shouted unconsciously as he saw all the possible options of clothes in the game. Malleus, for all the time he had spent with his loyal servant, is used to Sebek’s way of talking. In fact, Sebek was passionate regarding the main colour of his Mii clothes. To sum up, what happened there, Sebek recommends dark green and black clothes, since those colours were the characteristic of him and the dorm, it fit him nicely, to say the least.

Now again, the ultimate moment had come, Malleus was watching with his full attention to the scenery, the dark night with the moon and the stars making some company to the ocean, who was reflecting the two Mii. Anyone who could see Malleus at this moment would think he is obviously excited about this event, it might reveal a bright future for this two, and if destiny happens to support his real feelings, the real Malleus and Y/N might start courting.

“I’ve had my heart set on you since the moment I first saw you…will you go out with me?”

Malleus heart was beating faster in a couple of seconds. It is short, but it was completely honest at the same time, Malleus like how brief his mini representation was to be a little vulnerable towards his feelings. Malleus-Mii finally said it to Y/N-Mii, who didn’t beam at an instant. Malleus now was wondering why Y/N-Mii didn’t answer until he heard something weird.

“Wait” an unexpected voice pop out and enter the confession scenario, a piece of dramatic music turned on when his face was revealed. It was the stalker hunter who knew no limits of privacy. However, Malleus didn’t know why Rook-Mii was there.

— What — Malleus was speechless regarding the turned off events. His Mii was standing somewhere over the place as he walked towards the two Mii. As Rook-Mii makes it to his point, he said “I love you too”.

“No, I love you more” And Malleus-Mii defend from that accusation as the real one was cheering for his mini representation. He didn’t expect that when a Mii confess to another Mii, there would be an interruption. — In other words, this means that Y/N-Mii must choose— Malleus softly said to himself while he was worried about not being the one Y/N-Mii choose. He was about to face it, that Y/N-Mii will choose now, but he saw that the three of them, turn their head looking at the ocean and he hears again another noise.

“Wait” a Lilia-Mii revealed himself bumping out of the ocean and the little dramatic music replayed. — WHAT, LILIA WHAT ARE YOU DOING THERE? — Malleus shouted in his internal thoughts, he was more surprised that his father Mii was interested in Y/N-Mii, when in real life, he was the one who only knew his feelings towards Y/N. Could it be that Lilia was repressing himself to not feel anything like that so Malleus could have an opportunity? Malleus didn’t know. But this was like a betrayal, why didn’t he tell Malleus something? Anyway, Lilia-Mii went out of the ocean and ran direct towards the crow of people to say. “I love you the most”

Both Mii denied those words. And Malleus was doing the same thing, it was obvious that Malleus-Mii had the strongest feelings among all of them, they were the first Mii in Gao Gao Island. They know each other for more time than Lilia-Mii and Rook-Mii, they had shared more moments together.

“Y/N who do you choose?” He didn’t pay attention to who ask, but his heart had become more anxious when he now realizes that one of them might be the lucky one.

“I’m glad you feel the same way, Lilia” Y/N-Mii smiled directly to Lilia, being the only one standing while Rook-Mii and Malleus-Mii felt on their knees. He got rejected, his Mii got rejected by Y/N-Mii.

While Malleus has in his own world of thoughts on why he got rejected by Y/N, if everything was perfect between them to him, a noisy sound brings him back to his borrowed Nintendo 3DS. Malleus-Mii was crying on the floor of his apartment while he said “I got rejected”

— I’m sorry I failed you, Malleus-Mii— He truly felt pity towards his mini self, because he had expected a match between them. However, reality proves him otherwise. Not everyone can predict what it could happen, and it might be time to move on and feel happy that Lilia-Mii is the one who already conquered Y/N-Mii heart, but he suddenly remembers one thing. He didn’t save that action.

Yeah, no one will know that happened in the game, no one had seen the first option and that his Malleus-Mii wasn’t successful in his confession. No one will know that he restarted that file. At least, not Y/N. However, today wasn’t the day to do it, he needs to recover from this intense battle to Malleus-Mii confess Y/N-Mii while eating some ice cream to lighten his mood. He might figurate out how to make Malleus-Mii court Y/N-Mii better and max out their relationship but for now, he will take a break.

[emotionallyits2009]

deancas fic rec list!

hello everyone! happy christmas to those who celebrate it, my gift to you is my fic rec list that i said i would make like a month ago. the only thing it is organized by is canonverse vs alternate universe. tried to cover a variety of subjects but there are in particular many fics of the genre “postcanon where cas is human and he and dean live together and slowly finally get their shit together” because i know what i’m about, son. HOPE U ENJOY. and if you wanna talk about any of them or rec me other fics please do. :) 

Canonverse:

where the weeds take root by deathbanjo, 30k, explicit “Are you happy? Y’know. Just—being here,” Dean says, gesturing to the yard with his beer bottle. “Being with—I mean, you used to fight in celestial wars and—and save the world. Now you’re growing vegetables and talking about chickens.” There are many fics set in a post-canon universe where Cas is human and he and Dean live together and slowly fall into a relationship. Imo this one is the best of the best of that genre. This was one of the first fics I read back in July when I was getting Back Into Supernatural where I was like oh fuck I’m like in this. Dean builds Cas planters and bookshelves and a chicken coop and they fight and work through it.

Cuckoo And Nest by komodobits, 10k, explicit For a long time, Castiel thought that every earthly possession other than the immediately necessary was excess to requirement. But Dean – Dean who named his car, who keeps a photograph of his mother in his wallet, some thirty-plus years after her death, who still has the crumpled ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign with a sleeping pelican emblazoned on it from the Microtel outside of Roanoke where he first kissed Castiel, clumsy and unsure, under the unsteady fluorescence of an exhausted bathroom bulb – is sentimental. It puzzles Castiel, where Dean draws the line between what is meaningful and what it is worthless. Really Gets the dynamic of Cas doesn’t think Dean wants him to stay/Dean thinks Cas will leave the first chance he gets. Also a nice example of Cas thinking he’s not wanted if he’s not useful/powerful and being told otherwise. Another all-time fave!

lonely hearts by outphastthemoat, 4.5k, gen He thinks he might give up having his own anything just to be able to step foot inside the room next door and sit on the edge of Dean’s bed instead. This one is for the CAS GIRLS who know what LONELINESS feels like.

Helionneiros by aeli_kindara, 24.2k, mature In which Dean visits his mother, and Claire takes Cas on a hunt. I’m always on the lookout for more fic with Claire and Jack. Jack doesn’t show up until the end here but the relationship between Cas and Claire is really nice.

Crawl by aeriallon, 11k, explicit It’s been almost four years since Castiel left Kansas; he'd eventually settled in an island town where he has a job, a house, and a life without the Winchesters. Every winter, Dean drives down to the coast to see him. Another fic where Cas is human but in this one he took some time for himself and got some distance from the Winchesters! He gets to be competent and weird as a human and we love that for him. I must warn you all that this fic contains one use of the phrase “making love” which would normally put me right off but it’s still worth reading. The first of a three-part series.

home where you hold me by microcomets, 1.6k, gen Cas and Dean, in the moments between their battles, ache for quiet spaces. Technically this is a coda to 10x20 but you don’t need the episode for context. Short and very sweet.

Build a Home by domesticadventures, 20.1k, teen After they save the world, Dean expects Cas to come back to the bunker with them. He doesn’t. This one is so cute it’s like what if once they were done saving the world Sam and Dean actually invited other hunters to move into the bunker with them. Obviously Dean wants that to include Cas but doesn’t know how to use his words.

the taste of gravel in the mouth by deathbanjo, 22.4k, explicit This is what Cas gave up Heaven for: greasy diner food, shitty motel rooms with even shittier cable, long car rides spent in complete silence except for the same six tapes playing over and over again, and a burnt-out husk of a man who can barely hold a conversation anymore. Angst fic! They go on a road trip and Dean is severely fucked up post-Mark of Cain.

Unknown Quantities by xylodemon, 8.6k, explicit No one ever tells Dean anything. Another nice getting-together fic.

Creature of Habit by trinityofone, 5.2k, teen The more you love someone, the more you want to kill them. Or: How Cas developed some bad habits, and Dean coped surprisingly well. This one is ancient by destiel standards (written during season 5) but it manages to nail the married couple vibes they give off in later seasons. Cas is a bitch and Dean likes him so much. <3

The (Mostly Accidental) Courtship of Dean Winchester by Tuesday, 11.2k, mature Angelic marriage rites were never intended to go quite like this. Another old one that is a lot of fun! They get Accidental Angel Married and if you don’t enjoy dumb fanfiction tropes like that I don’t know what to say to you.

Vena Amoris and Other Old-Fashioned Bullshit by pyrebi, 4k, teen In which angelic marriage bonds are apparently stupidly easy to trigger, Cas wages multidimensional war in Heaven, Dean can't catch a break like ever, Sam rather enjoys being a dick, love saves the day, and nobody consummates anything. The OTHER accidental angel marriage fic written in 2010. 

Crazy Diamonds by pantheon_of_discord, 24.8k, explicit A week ago, Dean was pulled out of Hell. Now, he’s apparently woken up in 2018, and the angel that a mere twenty-four hours beforehand had threatened to chuck him back into the pit is sleepily pouring himself coffee and wearing Dean’s second-favourite Zeppelin shirt. It all seems like a perfect happy ending, but with Hell’s scars still so fresh, Dean can’t imagine how he could have possibly gotten there. At the same time, the Dean who went to sleep in the bunker, right next to Cas, wakes up on Bobby’s couch in 2008. He’s instantly bombarded with questions by a Lilith-obsessed brother and a man who’s been dead for years, and must decide between keeping his finally-perfect life intact, and the lives he could save by re-writing history. Regardless of these choices, both Deans are trapped in the wrong decade, and their only way back lies with a Castiel still very much under Heaven’s thumb – one who might find the future Dean describes difficult to believe. Time travel is FUN. There’s an excellent part where (minor spoilers) future!Dean is like, “Guess what, asshole? You like me so much you marry me!!!!!!!!!!!” to 2008!Castiel that made me laugh out loud the first time I read it. Also just a good reminder of how most problems in life are temporary and if you could go back in time to talk to your younger self you’d be like, “Hey man. Chill out. You get through it.”

The Path of Fireflies by museaway, 63.7k, mature After his humanity is restored, Dean wakes up in bed with Castiel, a wedding ring, and no memory of the past twelve years. There’s a lot of amnesia fic and djinn fic out there were Dean wakes up ~suddenly together with Cas~ but I like this one in particular because he’s initially very confused and kind of a dick about it until he acknowledges that being with Cas makes him happy.

take the long way home by dothraki_shieldmaiden, 95k, explicit Three months ago, when Dean decided to retire, he thought his life was going to end up differently. He'd thought that he might get to have it all, Sam, Cas, Jack, and nice little place to live. Instead he gets Sam and Jack off on their Summer of Love Tour, radio silence from Cas, and a never-ending road trip consisting of himself. Still reeling from the loss of his grace, Castiel travels the country in search of hunts. Driven by a need to prove his usefulness, he pushes himself beyond all limits of endurance. Together, with the help of a few friends, a crumbling Victorian house, and a stray cat, Dean and Castiel patch themselves back together and create a home together. Do you wanna read almost one hundred thousand words of Dean and Cas having extremely intense feelings but refusing to voice them aloud? Haha of course you do that’s why you’re here. There’s also a lot about Cas adjusting to being human and being depressed about it which might resonate if you’ve ever felt weird about having a body. To be honest the author could stand to use a few more commas but there were also half a dozen moments that made me put my phone down and drag my hand slowly over my face and whisper “oh my god” to myself which is like, the ultimate measure of a good fanfiction so it gets to be on the list.

like moses and batman and james dean by saltyfeathers, 31.6k, explicit dean used to turn tricks. over a decade later, he met cas. Have you seen the fanon (apparently pioneered by Mr. Jackles “Original Deankin” Ackles himself) that Dean used to prostitute himself to feed himself and Sam when they were younger? Are you interested in exploring that concept in fanfiction? Well, this is the only fic you need. Mind the tags on this one! It’s not what I’d call happy but it’s good.

Some Assembly Required by narrow_staircases, 47k, mature It’s September of 2005, and Dean Winchester, in an attempt to outrun old mistakes and painful memories, finds himself in southern Kentucky on a wild goose chase. He’s completely certain this weird religious movement he’s “investigating” is a hoax, despite the miraculous healings people report, and he’ll be back on the road in a day or two. Things are looking up when he meets Cas, an awkward (and gorgeous) graduate student who’s actually doing honest-to-god research into the local tent revival meetings. When that research takes a weird and personal turn, Dean’s left to face two very serious realities: one, this may be a real case after all, and two, he’s fallen way harder for Cas than he should ever have let himself. Stanford-era AU of Dean trying to avoid his father and getting in over his head on a case.

Alternate universe:

And This, Your Living Kiss by opal_bullets, 57k, mature Only a very few people in the world know that the celebrated and reclusive poet Jack Allen is just Kansas mechanic Dean Winchester, a high school dropout with a few bucks to his name. Not that it matters anymore; life has left him so wrung out he never wants to pick up another pen. Until, that is, a string of coincidences leads Dean to auditing a poetry course with one Dr. Castiel Novak. The  professor is wildly intelligent, devastatingly handsome...and just so happens to be academia's foremost expert on the poetry of Jack Allen. Mundane AUs in this fandom have to be really, really good to catch my attention and this one is! It’s exactly what it says in the summary and the characterization is spot-on. 

Out to Drift by deathbanjo, 20.9k, mature Dean drives a black car with a loud engine. He lies too easily. He keeps a gun in the back of his jeans, and Castiel isn’t sure, but he wouldn’t be surprised if Dean has killed someone before. Two people in fucked-up unstable situations meeting and forming a connection. Honestly guys I really just love deathbanjo.